Dating and Mating in 2014

Hot 'n Cold by Katy Perry

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus then I want to meet on the middle ground - Earth. I firmly believe that there are fundamental and critical differences between the sexes and I like it. I like it a lot! 

A lot of really worthwhile issues were resolved or at least recognized with the feminism movement. Women should never be thought of as lesser beings just different ones. Equal pay for equal work, yes! Equal opportunities yes! Burn the bra, no! But you should be able to travel the road both ways without being dictatorial. If I want to be Prime Minister or CEO I should have that opportunity if I qualify. If a dude wants to be a stay-at-home dad or secretary, they should be allowed without judgement. 

But going off on a wee detour, a company should not be forced to hire either men, women, minorities or immigrants because of some arbitrary protocol. I don't want to be a boss because of what I look like but because I can do the job better. 

And, we're back. The problem with the feminism movement is the effect that it seems to have had on men. There were very specifically defined roles between men and women at one time. Men earned the money and women kept the house. Men chased and women were the pursued in the dating and mating ritual. Suddenly women had options and became more vocal and (dare I say) aggressive. Men no longer knew if their advances would be accepted or turned down. They didn't know if they were supposed to open the door or if they would be chastised for the effort. They stepped back and didn't know when it was the right time to step up to the plate if ever. Chivalry and social protocol is now a very hazy line where men fear to cross and face a potential backlash from a staunch feminist. Some men have begun to feel emasculated by the women with higher incomes and job positions. This competition has led in part to no one willing to play the game anymore. 

Personally, I miss the day when the roles were more clearly defined. When a man opened a door ahead of me or put a hand of support at the small of my back as he guided me in the direction we were going, was a way that I knew I was cared for and valued. And of course on this road of equality there are many ways that women can and should show that men are valued as well. Ego stroking, if you will. I do believe that these gender specific roles can be very helpful in the elevation of self-esteem for both parties when the intention behind the act is accepted. We all feel good when we are treasured.

Since the 1970's when women began to defend their rights in the real world and take charge of their destiny, I was otherwise engaged. I missed learning how to adopt the new feminist role in the relationship arena and I don't feel comfortable in the pursuers role. And it seems that I am not alone. Afraid of stepping on our pedicured toes, men have backed away from openly pursuing a woman they are attracted to. A woman who is self-sufficient can be seen as too domineering and therefore intimidating to some men. Perhaps the men of the younger generation have come to accept this new role assignment, but speaking from some experience, men of my generation tend to want to hide their "caveman" persona. 

Coupled with the increase in divorce rates and both genders more focused on establishing careers and conquering the planet through infinite travel options, traditional marriage has taken a back seat. The older members who have "been there, done that" seem to be less inclined to jump on the marriage bandwagon having been burned and hurt before. Raising another family in the "new" middle ages is not always a welcome prospect. Certainly I am more open to the idea of grandmother than mother-to-another at my age. Not that I'm old :)

To be clear, I think that same sex relationships should be considered conventional and although I speak to what I know specifically, I think that the concept here can be applied to all unions. And there is a new term for these people shunning conventional relationships. "Otherhood" as opposed to parenthood, motherhood, etc. Women and men are choosing to remain without a permanent committed relationship. Children are becoming secondary in the fulfillment of adulthood and with adoption becoming more open and liberal, both sexes can be parents without a significant other or donor. Being single is becoming more of lifestyle choice and pet ownership is taking the place of a human life partner.   

For some believe, that they can have their cake and eat it too! Being a single parent no longer means your relationship ended. Being a single homeowner no longer means you got the house in death or divorce. Living alone with a cat no longer makes you a crazy cat lady/man. In fact, one in four women entering the housing market are single women compared to one in ten men. I was a pioneer in this realm when in the late 1990's I became a single female homeowner with no co-signer or guarantor. Mind you it took a lot of persistence and a lot of rejection from typical male dominated banking conventions. We've come a long way, baby!

But a feminist, I'm not. Unless it meant that I embrace my femininity and being woman. I love being a woman. I love that I was able to carry children and be a mother. I also love that I was able to use my talents and gifts to raise and support them alone. Because I had to, not necessarily because I personally wanted to. I want to get dolled up, put on a dress and heels and feel pretty. I want to be coddled and cuddled. But I don't want to be a ditsy female. I can use power tools and mow the lawn while he does the cooking. I don't want to emasculate anyone, I want to embrace the differences in ourselves. The beauty of the male is intoxicating to me.

When it comes to relationships with a potential sexual partner I don't want to be the aggressor and step on his pedicured toes. I don't want to go to a bar and tell a man that I am interested. There are signs that can be read that clearly identify a mutual interest and attraction. Taking the first step scares me. I understand that it can be equally scary for him but I guess I'm old school. For as much as I embrace my femininity I admire and appreciate his manliness. So with respect in mind, please ask and you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome. For me it is less of a weak female trait and more so a lack of confidence thing - I'm still working on repairs in that area.  

For now, someone has to make the first move and I would be more than happy to follow :) I will respectfully and playfully call you Master :p