SCHOOL - SUPERTRAMP
The song is amazing...the video...well, better listening than some of the live versions. Quite an appropriate choice given the time of year and all. This is the first time in 20 years or so that I have not gotten a child ready for the first day of school or prepared myself to go back after a two month hiatus that I hoped would never end. I mean, I have always been the type of person that could quite happily keep themselves occupied and productive all on their own. There is always something to be done. I could very easily be a kept woman, all I ask is that you give me some play money and I could stay home. Give someone who needs the external fulfillment my job. Yeah okay...it's a nice fantasy...lol!
A part of me wishes things were different and I WAS going back to school with the organized chaos, people I am glad to see once again, the students I have missed seeing - and then I remember why I am not a part of it all this year and I go throw up. It is fraught with emotions. I am torn and in pain. I know I can't go back...not now. They broke me but they can't fix me. I wouldn't let them touch me again to try. But I believe that they do have to make amends in order to have my forgiveness. I have many friends who work in the field of education and I have spent the better part of the last two weeks listening to their excitement and (in some cases) trepidation about the return to the classroom in some capacity. I know that I am not alone in my maltreatment by the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board. And therein lies another concern that I felt recently. What if someone from the board happened across these notes? Is it slander or otherwise illegal to name names? I have said nothing that is not true, nothing that cannot be backed up by documentation. One day I just may actually name names not just their employer. No facade to hide behind then. It is a lengthy list that I have compiled over a 10 year span! lol! I love that notion...it makes me smile.
In any case, school/work is a moot point for me now....it just isn't going to happen. I am not ready for it. I am not strong enough to face those demons and I am talking about the flesh and blood variety - those that have hurt me in the past and given that they obviously feel justified and certainly not remorseful for there actions....they will do it again. But there is another victim in this travesty...the students. I was good at what I did and I helped the students I worked with....
School for me is not only out for summer but for me "School's out Forever".
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