Duct Tape and WD-40 Won't Work!

Bulletproof - Blue Rodeo

It was probably written as a love song, with the exception of a few lines, I hear an excellent theme song for the Canadian Mental Health Association. It has both hope and understanding. Maybe it will do for you what it does for me - makes me feel better and not so alone.

Going through days or even weeks of not feeling like yourself is actually quite normal, it is when your daily life suffers that it is indeed a problem. Most women are very familiar with these changes in outlook and we do our best to teach the men in our lives. Honest we are trying to teach you not torture you. :)

I don't claim to be any sort of expert on depression beyond some first hand knowledge, but then again I just read an article about a reputed health and wellness expert on a speaking tour - her qualifications? She lost some weight. Well, I have suffered (and continue to suffer) from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and some phobias. Incredible that I can even get out of bed in the morning eh? The thing is that at this stage of my healing process, there are good periods and bad ones where I struggle to get up and dressed. Fortunately as time passes, the good far outweighs the bad. Like a wildly swinging pendulum, the mood swings used to be quite brief and very extreme. You know that boat at the amusement park that swings back and forth?

Pirate Ship Amusement Park Ride

Well, 1 1/2 years ago I was on that ship and it wasn't swinging it was sinking. It was only when I reached out for help that I got on the ride and started to see some positive periods. Initially, the pendulum swings heavily to the dark side and stays there for longer with the sun just barely able to penetrate. Being on that boat, you are sitting on the far extremes of bow or stern where the ride is more intense, wild and terrifying. Gradually, with the support systems starting to fall into place, you can begin to move more towards the centre of the boat. You are still swinging wildly but the lows aren't quite as low and the return to "normal" (or centre) is a little quicker. Ultimately the goal is to ride through life sitting 2 or 3 rows back from the middle of the boat, feeling the ups and downs of life but not being overwhelmed by them. Of course there are going to be times of extremes - a wedding, the birth of a child or the other end a death or illness. The main difference is that with the life events, we can see a definitive cause and a clear ending. With mental instability, sometimes it can be difficult to find the cause because it can be seemingly insignificant but in your mind it is overwhelming. Like a greasy stripper pole, once you are on it, there isn't much you can do to stop the downward slide. At best you can hope not to hit rock bottom.

If I could give anyone advice based on what I have learned thus far in my own process of recovery is:

1. Find and establish a support system that works for you. Whatever that may be, it does not need to be family - for they may not be in the best position to understand you. Family can sometimes revert to denial, not believing that there is anything really wrong that a canolli or a shot of some libation won't fix. On the other extreme they think they can fix your depressed state with some moments of laughter - folks, this can't be fixed with a some duct tape and WD40!

2. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. Even the seemingly most "together" people have sought the guidance of someone who knows or has been there. If you don't connect with the person/therapist you are referred to, I would suggest that you let the referring physician know. It is most important that you are comfortable sharing information and feelings with your therapist. Personally, I found that there were times when it felt like they were the only people who truly believed what I was going through. That's critical in the recovery process.

3. Don't give up and know that there really is light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of how dim it seems at times. There is help available, via phone contact, live person to person chat. If you have difficulty finding the financial or emotional support that you need, call your local politician. In Canada, services are administered by the municipal, provincial or federal governments. Try them all. Nobody knows what it available like the politicians whose salary we pay with our taxes.

4. Allow yourself to cry. The shedding of tears can be quite cathartic. Letting the sadness out may help us to return to an even keel with a different perspective on things. A sad movie or book with a happy outcome may permit you to feel some hope also. But know what works for you. Hearing the woes of others never had me feeling any better personally, because although I had buckets of empathy for other people in my own times of sadness I wanted the empathy and had none to share.

5. Know your triggers. When I was feeling "blah", I avoided television. I couldn't stand to see all the happy people with the intact families and perfect relationships and I won't even get into the physical image of them. Anything wrong with my life I didn't want to see personified on the screen without the troubles I felt. Movies were the same - no love stories with happy endings, no chick flicks.

6. Keep yourself safe. If you have been there, you know what I am talking about. Like climbing over the meagre protective barrier at the Scarborough Bluffs, when you are perched on the edge, you don't really know how far you can go before the ground disappears and you are on free fall. You need to understand that alcohol is a depressant and does not mix well with most medication. Don't drink alone, because the temporary "feel good" sensation does not last. Personally there were times I was afraid to drive - for I couldn't be sure where I would end up. I didn't trust my own thought process.

 
7. Find your natural high. Reading, creating, writing, gardening, shopping - whatever it may be and do it as often as you can. Find yourself with a lot of time on your hands suddenly because work has been put on the back burner - volunteer. There are so many organisations that need help that you will likely be able to find an outlet that encompasses one of your special talents or "natural highs". It's win-win for you and the organisation. It's also possible to create your own volunteer opportunities. There is nothing like keeping your mind off your troubles by focusing on the positive people outside the realm of your world of pain. 
 
8. Get out! Another benefit of volunteering is that it forces you out of the house. You have to get dressed and out of bed to fulfill your commitments. The fresh air and vitamin D never killed anybody, and there is the added bonus of endorphines that are released when you are physically active. If I had a dog I think I would go hang around a leash-free dog park. Open air (not necessarily fresh :), like-minded company, and the love of dogs. All good. 

9. Get moving. Besides getting your mind off your troubles and thinking about something else, something as simple as washing the car, mowing the lawn or dusting the knick-knacks will also leave you with a sense of accomplishment. You many even find you are gaining a bit of that self-confidence back that you used to have. Of course, studies have shown that exercise also releases feel-good brain chemicals like Neurotransmitters and Endorphines that may ease depression. 

10. Know that this is not your fault. Like most other ailments, like the flu or Alzheimers, you did not cause this. There may or may not be anybody to lay blame to. There will be time for seeking retribution after you have taken care of yourself if you still need to close that door before moving on. A wise woman (Livia Sdraulig) often said "There are some people in the world that if they haven't got anything to talk about, they make it up just to hear themselves talk. In order to look better than you they have to tell lies about you - you are still better than them unless to stoop to their level and give them your time to talk to them." 

11. Laugh! Sing! Dance! Believe me, I know that it is sometimes easier said than done to even plaster the smallest semblance of a grin on your face - but once accomplished it does wonders. At times even watching the funniest of movies I couldn't even get the corners of my mouth to curl upwards, but at least I wasn't crying. Singing, always makes me feel like I am talking to someone in words that I am having trouble stringing together. Of course if the room isn't empty before I start, it sure will be vacated after the first few notes emitting from my voice box. Is there anywhere to go to fix a broken voice box? Dancing gets you moving and your blood flowing. But be careful not to slip on the tears and if you are like me - stay away from mirrors and open windows! Slow dancing with your arms wrapped around yourself may have the neighbours calling for the rubber truck to make a house call. 

"Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg"

You may enjoy this website experienceproject.com it is a forum where you can speak to like minded people with integrity and consideration for each other. 

For help in Ontario: call the Mental Health Helpline at 1-866-531-2600 or go to www.MentalHealthHelpline.ca I am sure that other communities also have help lines in place. Check out the facebook page (facebook.com/cmha.ontario). 

In conjunction with Mental Health Week (May 7-13) Ontario launched a campaign aimed at raising awareness. I found the "Read Your Mind" self-assesment quite revealing and enjoy mapping my mood. You can find this site at www.notmyself.ca Turns out I am not alone - even within my small community. Indeed 1 in 5 Canadian adults will have a mental health issue in any given year. 

The End Has Only Begun - Lifehouse

"What you do

No one can decide, it's up to you

And who you are is what you choose

These times when the world falls apart

Makes up who we are"

Have some compassion - you could be next. Educate yourself, understand and be understanding.