Never Surrender...unless

Never Surrender - Corey Hart

Never Surrender...interesting notion, but not always the best road to take. It just occurs to me that when you start to lose a part of yourself in the fight, it isn't worth it anymore. Maybe at this point we aren't surrendering or giving up on ourselves but saying...you aren't worth my time. I can live without you. That is a hard realization to come to and even harder to execute at times. 

Sometimes in relationships with life partners it is hard to look objectively at the situation and decide that although it is scary it may be time to move on and indeed surrender to the fact that we made a wrong decision. I've been there. I walked away from the fight and found a better me under the rubble once the dust cleared. For me it was simply a case of I felt like I was working too hard to maintain the outward appearances of a normal and healthy relationship with my ex. One day, I just decided that he wasn't worth it, I was being to feel like I was losing myself in his doom and gloom and sour attitude. It was a positive on my score card that he wasn't that great a father - I mean, really I was raising the kids alone even though his physical presence was there now and then. I don't think I surrendered though, I left him while I was still intact and whole with some fight left in me. Have you seen my kids? In the end I won! :)

Other relationships in our lives are different. We need Corey Hart to tell us to Never Surrender when we feel like we are up against insurmountable odds. Work relationships are probably the most difficult. In this day and age where well paying jobs, that have benefits and most importantly that we love, seem to be few and far between. We spend most of our daily waking hours at work, preparing to go to work or commuting to work. Mentally we could spend even more time thinking about work, what to wear to work, the people at work etc. At yet despite the imbalance of time spent on work related activities, this is the one place where we will be more likely to Surrender. We will allow our bosses to take advantage of our good nature, we allow them to abuse our sense of professionalism and dedication by piling extra work on us. Our sense of loyalty and pride stop us from refusing to stay late, work through our breaks. And there is often an unspoken ulterior motive on our part - we don't want to make waves least we are passed over for the promotion or raise or God forbid we are let go. I had a job and a career that I loved but it was eroding my health and well-being. It was difficult but I had to walk away. I won't say that I surrendered, but rather I left to get stronger and ready to fight for the right to never surrender again.

Friendships and family - one we chose, one is thrust upon us. I don't have the family relationships to draw experience from but I often find myself envious of siblings in their adult years, maintaining a congenial relationship. But sometimes extended family isn't so ready to accept you for who you are as an individual apart from a family member. You know that family that you only see at Christmas and then it is only because you were both invited to the same "family" gathering? Two people come to mind for me. We didn't grow up together and when I came to live in proximity to their home, I tried to embrace their presence and status and make them feel a part of my home and life. It worked for awhile but it dawned on me that the familial spirit was not reciprocated and invitations began to be turned down. Did I surrender when I decided that they were not worth my effort any longer? Or did I just find more productive and beneficial things to do with my time? 

It took me longer to step back from another relationship. I was criticized because someone read a message that I wrote that was not meant for them and they didn't understand. Quite frankly, I think I could have written my name and they wouldn't have understood for they never took the time to get to know me and made me feel like an intrusion. In any case, I have in the past spoken up and said what I felt, what I got for it was silence. So you have to stop and ask yourself "Why am I bashing my head against this wall?" and "Am I the only one who is trying to keep this relationship afloat and viable?" I decided that maybe I was. But on the off-chance that I was wrong I left the door open...big surprise, no one has walked through or knocked. Fool that I am, I will keep the door ajar for you because I am not ready to give up on YOU. I'm here if you want...

"I" phone you

"I" message you

"I" come to you

"I" invite you for coffee

"I" try to make amends

Time for you to show that "I" matter

Time for you to show that you want me in your life

If they miss you, they'll call you,

If they want you, they'll tell you,

And if they care, they'll show you.

If not, they're not worth you're time because

you're obviously not worth theirs.