Like a Scared Chicken

I Did My Best - Soul Asylum

Some people get annoyed with me when they see similarity between themselves and something I have posted or written. To be clear, unless I use your name specifically you can't fairly accuse me of anything. May I add that if you find it unflattering perhaps you should take a moment to stand in front of the mirror and partake in some personal reflection and soul searching. Paranoia can manifest itself from some form of reality. If you think your nose is too big, maybe it really is. :) On my part, it may be a composite of you, but not necessarily you alone. Hence the use of the word composite: by definition "made up of several parts or elements." My writings and musing may come from dreams, reflection or based partly or wholly on fact and experience. I will not explain my writing and thoughts to those who want to attack based solely on their own insecurities. 


I have been pleased with the opportunity to do a lot of self-introspection and analysis of my life and choices. I can't say as I always thought of it as an opportunity because it was not my choice of activity for the past year and a half or so. But there isn't much that you can do with the hand that you have been dealt besides play it out as far as you can. I have learned that I have permitted toxic people to share my existence. I am now more in touch with my feelings and realizing that I am very uncomfortable in the presence of some of these people. At the same time I am finding a deep support system of people in my life that go above and beyond with their self-less consideration. It is these people that will become the focus of my days. 


Many people send private messages expressing pleasure and gratitude for things that I have shared that has touched them in some way. I can ask for nothing more in terms of praise and acceptance. Thank you. It has never been my intent to offend, but I do recognize that it can happen none-the-less. May I extend my heartfelt apologies if this is the case. 


One thing I can say with complete conviction is that I have never tried to live my life to please others. Some people will like you, some will barely tolerate you and others will downright abhor you. There is very little you can do to change their mind. Everyone walks on the earth with their own unique perspectives on humanity. Like me or not, the only one I have to please is me for that is who I look in the eye in the mirror each day. And I answer only to my God. The halo placed upon my head is askew and tarnished for I am not perfect by anyone's standards especially my own. But it is not for you to judge, thank you very much. 

Who am I kidding? One look at the stranger coming towards us on the sidewalk and we are making judgments like we are Judge Judy. It could be considered a survival skill, like animals in the jungle. We must determine if the impending encounter will be dangerous. Is it a predator? Friend or foe? The problem comes in when we use those initial observations to forever and negatively brand a person. There is a stereotypical portrait of a person whom we should be wary of or so the media would have us believe. Does Jeffrey Dahmer fit this image? Recently it has come to my attention that people have made a pre-determination about me. A word that has often been associated with me is "Strong". I hate that word because people have recently used that adjective in a negative connotation referring to me. I've never considered myself strong anyway. Stubborn yes! I have fortitude and sense of survival. I don't like to give up and I dislike losing. But I am weak and have a poor self-esteem...that is not strength. Only 2 people in recent memory have seen through to the real me when first meeting me - these people are smart and perceptive :) 


Fight or Flight? Which one are you? When faced with an uncomfortable situation or the need to take a stand, what is your choice? I fly like a scared chicken right across the road in front of speeding cars with no regards to personal safety just so I can get away and hide. But people see my intelligence and articulation as an ability to stand up and fight. Being opinionated doesn't make you strong - it makes you mensa material - if you can back it up. When someone says "I think" it probably means that they actually have the ability to formulate a thought, hopefully it is an intelligent one.     


I just ask that you consider the individual before you treat them as you have judged them. I made that mistake and am grateful that I gave that young man a second chance for he deserved it and has enriched my life by being a part of it. I am grateful that he forgave me and I am very proud of him.