The Next Freak Show!

American Psycho - Treble Charger

In an attempt to organize our lives, we make lists. We have grocery lists, to do lists, to read lists. Our PVR's have lists of shows that we want to watch. We organize the music on our I-Pods into lists - romantic music, workout music, inspirational music. We take the time to make the lists, but we often don't do much beyond that. The grocery list with the coupons we had intended to bring along is still sitting on the fridge as we cruise up and down the aisles trying to remember what we wrote. The homework that was assigned was neatly printed in the checklist format of the agenda book and left in the locker. If you think about it, even these "competition" shows on tv can be organized in list format. Starting with 20 contestants and whittled down week by week until only one is standing. The creation of lists is big business. We all want to know what is number one. Whether it is car sales, or mobile phone preference, the longest lasting, biggest. The Guinness Book of World Records is  probably the most well known book of lists, but not to be outdone, Macleans magazine has just put out an all Canadian version of lists. And after all these years we must accept that the CN Tower is no longer the tallest and Yonge Street is not the longest street in the world either. Say what? What happened to shrink it? Calculation error it seems.

Anyways, not to be out done - I have a list. A list of oddities I have come across. In no particular order...you decide what is number one for you.

1. Walk Off the Earth is a quirky name for a band when you stop to think about it. It has been said before that if the world didn't suck we would fall off, so it is not even possible to walk off the earth given the definitive proof that the world is not flat. While you ponder this, head on over to YouTube and check out some of their equally quirky videos. This independent band from Burlington, Ontario has made a name for themselves by one of their most bizarre videos - the Gotye's cover of Somebody That I Used to Know. If you haven't seen it, all five members of the band play on a single acoustic guitar, even the drummer keeps the beat on it. Other videos have band members throwing and catching various instruments mid-note. Watch for the Beard Guy who has his own cult following. They make this list because they have amassed more than 127 million views and an international fan-base because of talent and originality.

2. The world is indeed becoming a dangerous place and nowhere can we see the heightened security and paranoia than at the worlds international airports. One fellow was annoyed at beeping every time he stepped through the metal detector that he finally stripped down naked to prove he had nothing illegal on his person. I can feel his frustration when I witnessed a woman being slowly disrobed trying to rid herself of the offending metal. In her case it may have been the underwire bra. Did you hear about the man who was stopped in San Francisco because he had an obvious bulge in his pants. Turns out he is just well endowed with 9" flaccid and 13.5" erect. He was released after showing his Guinness Record award. The embarrassed and decidedly average security guards were glad to see his go on his way. I doubt many women would consider him a threat.

3. Now here is real danger to the welfare of children - well children with unmindful parents perhaps. KinderEggs are banned in the USA because the toys inside the hollow chocolate eggs could pose a chocking hazard. This threat to security came to light when two gentlemen were detained at customs for more than two hours after American border guards found 6 offending chocolate treats in the trunk of their car. They were threatened with a fine of $2,500 per egg ($15,000) but eventually let go with a warning and the contraband in hand. I wonder how many Canadian children have been injured by these dangerous treats? I must have been a horrible parent for my kids enjoyed the toys and the chocolate and never confused which was which. They played with the toy and ate the chocolate. And I profited with all the Pink Panther Kinder toys I amassed as they chomped. One question for the border guards - are you equally good at spotting more dangerous goods like illegal drugs and weapons? People living in the bullet-ridden streets of Toronto would probably think not.

Pink Panther KinderEgg Toys

4. Speaking of Toronto and the second time for the declaration of the "summer of the gun", the illegal handguns have made their way into the hands of the gang members who seem to quick to turn the muzzle onto the innocent. It's not just Toronto, but that happens to be in my backyard so it's personal. Earlier this year, when the numbers were not yet above average, there was a call for a ban on the sale of bullets in the city. I don't even know how you can make this suggestion with a straight face. Unless transportation to neighbouring communities would be banned as well, how could this possibly be seen as a viable solution? Besides, if you can smuggle a gun with ease, then smuggling bullets would be a no-brainer. I know that our friends to the south have much more liberal gun laws and while I don't agree with the NRA (National Rifle Association) stance on the right to bear arms, I don't live there. I prefer to believe the statistics that show weapons in the home for the protection of family are more often used in the killing of family members - accidentally or in a moment of rage. But to each his own, I guess. Except when it comes to weapons that can shoot multiple rounds which are the preferred mode when taking aim at the innocent. 

5. Baskin-Robbins is closing a plant just outside of the Toronto area because even though it has been running around the clock to keep up demand it is unable to do so. Say what? You need more product to satisfy consumers and you are going to achieve your quota by closing a factory able to produce the goods. 80 people working 24/7 surely must have put a dent (however small) into your supply. Instead, production is going to shift to a plant halfway across the country in Nova Scotia and be shipped back to the gluttonous market in the GTA? I'm thrilled if this mean a boost for the employment status for Truro and I am no business expert but it all seems a little foolish to me. 

6. Back on the crime front, a tale from the bizarre. A 70 year old man shot his 50 year old son and has been charged with attempted murder. The son is said to be grateful for his fathers poor eyesight and onset of Parkinson's for saving his life. Okay, I made that part up. But seriously, maybe if the father had some hearing loss this incident might never have come to this. It seems that the reason for the shots fired was to stop the "young" man from singing. His father didn't like his sons country karaoke singing. Maybe he would have been happier with some rapping? Opera? Yodeling? Or the NRA can look into age restrictions for weapon ownership?

7. A simple search on the internet will get you to a bizarre list of ways to cheat at the Olympics. Anything that increases your percentage of red blood cells seems to work, although it is referred to as blood doping and is illegal. Athletes find ways around it, but most methods appear to involve removal of blood before manipulation like exposure to ultraviolet light or spinning in a centrifuge. Depending on the sport, manipulation of clothing and equipment or manufacture therein can enhance performance. The same old song and dance, money can buy you an edge over the competition. Winning on your own merits will of course be the greatest win of all. 

8. Being as it is Olympic Time for the summer games in London, England - let's consider the value in the spectacle. I suppose I may raise a few eyebrows and tempers, but I am not convinced that the Olympics should be continuing in modern times. It is not the competition and show of excellence that I object to, it is the money. From the initial gargantuan deposit to make a bid to host the games, to the building of the one time use facilities - the cost is astronomical. And some cities make repeated bids to be called hosts of the games until they are finally successful. As for the athletes, there are a lot of kids who have natural ability in sport, but it takes money to go beyond community sports league. If we can pay for the private coaching, we can turn a driven competitor into a winner. And therein you have another issue with the Olympics - children from a young age are removed from a life of childhood to one of glory in sport. Pre-teen competitors are not the norm nor are they the exception. 10 years of age is the youngest recorded...so far. 

9. You can find just about anything for sale or wanted on e-bay, Craigslist or Kijiji. Up for bids - an entire town including the title of mayor, an Australian man sold his entire life (car, house, job and friends). The internet is the go-to place to make a life also. Dating site for the love lorn abound, whether you are looking for a one time encounter, discreet hook-ups or long term matches. But some people go a little too far and post ads for illegal activity. For reasons not disclosed, a man in the US posed as his wife wanting a rape fantasy fulfilled. E-mails were exchanged with willing participants and the men were told to force there way into the home and perform the rape no matter no much resistance was encountered. That is just sick. Luckily for the first man on the scene, when the woman managed to get a hold of her gun she didn't shoot to kill but did hold him at gunpoint until police arrived. Hmm...about those gun laws...

10. Facebook used to be a great place to go to socially connect with people who were your friends and to make new friends. Parker Brothers game night took on a life of its own with Farmville, Cityville and Mafia Wars. All of a sudden playing games was fun again. But for most, the constant demands of the games and bugs that made play too frustrating lost its appeal. But there was so much more. Nowhere else could you show a picture of yourself...sit back and let the positive comments flow. Egos soared high. But now there seems to be a concerted effort to make us feel inadequate. You know what I am talking about..it's "Click and share if":

- you love your mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, dog, cat, rat

- you had the greatest parents, childhood, family, job, breakfast

- your son, daughter, pet, boss mean the world to you

- you love your life, your car, house, heritage, trash can

Newsflash people, I love my family and children. I know people who have died and have been ill and I love them too. My spirituality is important to me as is my happiness and friends. If I don't click and share doesn't change those facts. You would almost think that someone was earning money for every click. Like the chain letters from days gone by that we were afraid to break. Click if you want but don't be afraid not to. The heavens will not fall down on your shoulders I promise.

11. Tattoos have become the new norm, like the piercing of the eyebrows, lips and even gentiles used to be. The safety pins in the cheeks of the 80's era punk rockers used to gross me out but at least they could take them out when the fad passed and maturity set in. Even psychedelic hair colours and styles could return to normalcy and you could pass as a CEO with your youthful discretions well hidden in grainy photographs. But a tattoo is without surgical intervention, permanent. And there are medical considerations - you may be denied MRI or epidurals. Any one who has been pregnant can vouch for what happens to skin when it is stretched and then the tension is released - what happens to a tattoo placed in this area? And when that 20 year old is 80 and the skin is wrinkled and covered with age spots, how do the tattoos look now? I shudder to think. But the most important question I have is: When you encounter a person who is well-blanketed in tattoos, do you want to make out with them or read them? Being an avid reader, yes even of picture books and comics I would...lol! As artistic and beautiful the pictures may be, sometimes you have to get up close and personal to understand what exactly you are looking at, especially if it is partly covered by clothing or part of a collage of images. When I hear about inked errors or less than satisfactory work performed I have to admit that I am amused. 

12. Have you ever worried about losing your wedding ring? How about having it pierced right into the skin of your finger? Actually looks kind of gross close up and it's gotta hurt getting it done. I think I would rather insure the jewelry and risk losing it. 


13. Did you hear about the 11 year old boy who without a passport, ticket or boarding pass managed to fly from England to Italy all on his own. How comfortable are you feeling about the level of security at our airports now? If a child can do it so can anyone else. A child travelling alone should have raised all kinds of flags, but it wasn't until he was seated on the plane and bragging to other passengers about his exploits that the crew was alerted to his presence. Travelling 1700 km undetected and for free...maybe I should have a chat with the lad, I may get back to Europe yet!


14. Who jokes about running over a turtle? American country music star Blake Shelton, that's who! Feathers were ruffled all over Twitter, lambasting the celebrity for making light of animal cruelty. Why even Ellen DeGeneres got in on the action. In the end, Blake Shelton apologized for the cruel joke saying he wasn't even in the state where he said the incident occurred. So what's his excuse then? Drunk? Bad publicity is better than no publicity to ramp up concert attendance? 

That's my list of oddities in the world around me. For now! Because the world just seems to be getting more and more bizarre all the time. It seems for some there are no boundaries no lines of social acceptableness that can't be crossed. God bless the generations to come.