Call me Maybe...No Really That IS My Name!

The Simple Truth - Chris De Burgh

The simple truth is that when a child is born, life is forever changed. And the love you thought was over the moon for your partner goes gallactic when your eyes first behold your child. As a mother as soon as you here those words "It's positive" you go maternal and a little hormonal - sometimes a lot haha! It is different for daddy dearest because he doesn't have the constant daily reminder. For mom, every look in the mirror every belt that is loosened, every extra trip to the bathroom or strange food craving reminds you that you are not alone and never will be again. I know it doesn't apply to most men, we are just built differently and respond differently. It's not bad, it's just the way it is. I sometimes feel bad for the male species that they miss out on the physical pregnancy part of childbirth. It's wonderful. But then you have people who want to but are unable to have children and my heart aches. It is incedible that some people are so selfless that they can bear a child and then allow it to have a most spectacular chance at love with another family. And then there are people like the sperm donor of my children (I spent 20 years biting my tongue and not badmouthing him - there is nothing left to hide anymore). I will never understand how a person can father a child and grow to love them for 8 years and then just walk away and out of their lives. I guess in some way it is like giving your child up for adoption - except that in that case you are doing it out of love for your child. To give him/her a better life, not to get them out of your life. Either way, that is enough energy wasted on the likes of him. 

It seems that it is not only love that causes the miracle of life to take hold of that uterian wall and prosper. Sometimes it is boredom, poor television programming, the written word (wait til your finished this...it gets good :) or separation. A significant baby boom came about after a prolonged period of male absence due to World War II. Those boomers (I'm one on the tail end) include anyone born from 1946-1964). There have been many other instances of mini baby booms. Some make sense, some not so much. There was an echo baby boom when the children of the WWII boomers began to procreate. Nine months after a November 1965 New York City black out birth rates in the city spiked. It's dark, you might as well do something :) Logically speaking, baby booms have been caused by bans on abortion and contraception leading to more live births. In the beginning of 2012, the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy of erotic story-telling was released in Canada. At least one city experienced a 30 per cent spike in birth rates 10 months later (people  needed time to read and process the explicit sex scenarios). Certainly polls at the time suggested that baby or not there was increased bedroom activity much to the pleasure of the male populus who began to encourage their female companians to read. ;)

But at some point the mating process has been successful and the zygote hangs on for the insanely rapid changes to come. Going back to high school biology, I remember thinking that the cells dividing during the creation process was an awful lot like the struggle between the sexes. From the very beginning, the first cell division to our last dying breath, x and y, yin and yang  complete opposites and contrary to each other. Yet somehow connected and unable to be independent of one another. To function properly the middle ground must prevail and egos put in check. Give and take. But understand that I am not in anyway suggesting that this theory negates the validity of homosexual relationships. It's something I don't understand too well, not having lived it. Akin to asking me what life is like as a male? Ain't been there, ain't done that. But I digress.

Onto the joy that your child can bring to your life. It euphoric, the highest high and it never seems to end. It changes with the passing of time without a doubt. They depend solely on you, they screech and challenge everything you say, they love to be with you (so you can buy them stuff), they are embarassed of you, they hate/ignore you, they love your bank account, you cramp their style and then they move out. That's birth to age 20 in a nutshell! 

This morning, I heard on the radio that the listening audience should be prepared to be on Royal baby watch. Prince William and Kate are expecting an hier to be born and day now. Technically the due date is this weekend and typically the first can be later rather than early but still, more than just Granny Queenie Elizabeth is waiting with bated breath. It's a grand time and there is nothing like new life to renew hope and spirits of all...just like spring.

When You Call My Name - Paul Brandt

But here is the thing and the point of this musing. Names. The gambling world  is taking bets on the sex and side bets on the name of this royal babe. The only name that is probably ruled out is Elizabeth being as there has already been two Queen Elizabeths in England in the last century. Diana will probably be recognized in one of the 4 or more official names as a nod to Prince Williams late mom, Princess Diana. The suggested names are decidedly boring - for a boy: Philip, Henry, James, John, Michael - for a girl: Alexandra, Victoria, Anne, Mary, Charlotte. But it would be a little ridiculous to have a Queen Peaches running the Commonwealth. 

And this is the exact conversation that I had with my kids when we discussed how I had come to chosing their names. For the record she is Lydia (a combinational nod to my mom Livia and sister Linda), Monica (after her paternal grandmother). He is Christopher (after the singer Chris DeBurgh) and James  (after my brothers best friend and by osmosis I think of one of the lead singers of Blue Rodeo). 

And the next trend is calling a baby "What"

Bestowing a name on someone is not a process which should be taken lightly. There are so many things to take into consideration. Personal preferences, potential nicknames, initials, past boy/girl frends, family wishes and people you offend by leaving them out. Their entire future is at stake. 

Then there is the initial issue. There are times when you are required to initial official documents, it could be embarrassing to scribble "BS" all over the place. or "BJ" or "FU" HA!

I know people who are very anal when it comes to nicknames. I tried to chose name that if they were shortened, I could live with them. Ironically I am known by one of two nicknames - but only because I can't stand my full name...Elizabeth...to formal and stuffy! Also, I personal don't like boys names that can be shortened in anything ending in a "y". Jimmy, Johnny, Danny - all rejected even though I really loved the name Daniel.

Our past experiences with people also influence our naming choices. I don't care if your fathers name was Richard, that boy broke my heart and that's what I think of. This category would include controversial historical figures as well, there aren't a lot of Adolf's, or Judas' running around. 

Working with children, there were certain names I stayed away from because if there was a "problem" child at school I could almost guarantee they were either a Michael or Brandon, Sarah or Jessica. But that is like the chicken and egg scenario. Which came first, the child's unique personality that drew you to him or from past experience did you brand this child. One teacher was brave enough to tell me that when she looked at her class list and saw a Michael she prepared for battle. Knowing that and acknowleging it, she could restrain her judgemental behaviour. How many of us haven't come to the realization that we judge people based on their names.  I was very young and very naive when I was told about my friends child that she had named Jackson - I automatically assumed it was a family name and the father was african-american. Right or wrong, that was my experience that I drew on. 

Then there is the future. My arguement has always been that in some way, the name makes the person. Cookie may be an absolutely wonderful person with the intelligence of Einstien but I don't think she will ever be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company - unless it's Nabisco lol! It's just history suggests that she is a bit flaky and more likely to be a prostitute. Would Donald Trump be as successful as he was if he was Donny?

The popularity contest. There is some evidence that the level of popularity in high school at least in some part contributed to the level of income after graduation. Is that due to the popularity or the confidence of that adoration that enabled the persistence to not settle for any less than their percieved value? Chicken and the egg again :) Regardless, these popular people are more likely than not saddled with such names as Jennifer or Brittany. I dare you not to picture cheerleaders or girls bouncing down the hallowed halls with an entourage of hangers-on. Same goes for John and Brad - the jocks. 

Not convinced? What comes to mind when you think of Bertha, Hilda, Ernest and Cornelius walking those same halls? My son vehemently disagreed with me when we had a similar conversation when he was about 10 years old. He believed that who he was and his personality would be the same whether he was Chris or Edgar. Call him stubborn, there was no convincing him otherwise. Ahhh but with the passage of time and patience on my side I won! Leap forward 6 or 7 years and during a conversation about friends and relationships comes this startling statement from the mouth of the boy. "If I had a son I would call him Lance." Tongue-in-cheek, smirk barely concealed, "Why?" "Because how can you not be popular in high school with a name like Lance. He sounds like a jock and football player". How indeed :)

Celebrity insanity craze. I swear it is like a spitting contest with the winner deserving a permanent residency in the rubber hotel. Who can be the wildest and craziest and most willing to capture the headlines? I didn't think that anyone could ever top Frank Zappa's Moon Unit and Dweezil offspring until Frank Zappa himself did it with Diva Thin Muffin. No kidding! But even that is mild compared to Moxie Crimefighter (that's a girl), Pirate and Pilot Inspektor. People, those are jobs not names. I just hope Pilot doesn't get a job in the airline industry because that will just be silly. He'd have a better chance of normalcy being called Boob Inspektor. At least more fun than inspecting pilots. Getting off the professions and into wildlife you have Speck Wildhorse. How about Banjo, Denim, Camera, Seven, Free, Apple and Audio Science? Not a word search list but the name of some very unfortunate children.  

Double Blue, because it is just too funny. Soon to become the mascot of the Toronto Argonauts football team, The Edge's offspring Blue Angel will unite with Beyonce's Blue Ivy and they won't clash. Hey, did you hear that Beyonce has trademarked the name Blue Ivy in case you get any ideas. lol! 

Speaking of Angels, there is one in every family. Not angels but outside the box thinkers. A relative had four children and called each one of them some variation on the name Angel with a suffix. This is when my annoyance with names was born as I distinctly remember my brother telling him that he wasn't his name sake but a devil instead. 

But celebrities got nothing on the everyday wacko's out there. Here listed are just a few of the most bizarre I found:

- Cougar, Fox, Bear

- Tank, Jeep, BMW

- Notorious

- Tonto

- Spanky

- Rib Eye

- Octopussy

- Tu Morrow, Evening, Future, Destiny

- Tequila, Abeer, Chardonnay

- Jennyb (silent b)

- Madison, Brooklyn, Bronx, Chicago, Syria, Egypt, Graceland

- Thinn, Yoga

- Burger, Pickles

- Espn

I can only assure you of one thing - we aren't talking about future world leaders here - unless we make a trip to the name changing court first. Some of these people have done exactly that. I can understand with the ballooning population the rooster of names is wearing thin, but there has to be a line of decency drawn here. Imagination is best left to be displayed on a canvas or with pen and ink (old school but you get the point). Abeer will make a great bartender or comedian if he makes it through public schools unbroken. Nevaeh is a name that always rubbed me the wrong way in it's stupidity and then I came across Rehtaeh. So I thought why not Kgehknifberb. (K's and B's are silent). And you ask me how to spell Liz. Really.

Laugh if you will at the comic, but folks this is actually a sad commentary on society. Crossing the line of paying homage to relative or friend or even a fictitious character on a TV show, last year some no-life named their child Like - to make sure everyone knows they like Facebook more than their child. Worse still is poor baby Hashtag. Oh the humanity! It seems that little Hastag has skipped the perimeters of age restrictions on Facebook (and presumably Twitter) to have her...yes her...own facebook page where people enjoy sharing their opinion on the cruelty of her parents. Even going so far as to threatening to call child welfare. That may be going a bit too far but when Hashtag gets a little older and goes all Lizzie Borden on her parents at least we won't all be sitting back and scratching our heads in wonderment. 

Personally I am waiting for the media reports that someone has gone ahead and taken the suggestion of the wise and comedic Barney Stinson and actually saddled a child with the middle name "Waitforit". It's stupid but funny. But How I Met Your Mother is a fictitious TV show...not real and not a model for life.

It's interesting how people fit their names. When you look at name meanings sometimes it all makes sense. But like some of the example above sometimes  people are named wrong. I think I was, people have always told me "I look like a Debbie." Personally I like Monknee :)  

This was kind of fun. Like the zodiac analysis for my birth month this is a pretty decent character anaylsis, except maybe the keeping promises - I think I am pretty good at keeping my word.

Kabalarian Philosophy Your First Name of: Liz

Below is a brief analysis of the first name only.

• Your name of Liz creates a passive, friendly, easy-going nature, but your desire for sociability and the pleasant things in life makes you too easily influenced through your associations.
  
• You are too generous and if appealed to will give all you have because you find it difficult to say "no" and mean it.
  
• You do not like to create tension or friction and will try various means to avoid such situations.
  
• You are very idealistic.
  
• You have imagination and many ideas but lack the ambition and drive necessary to accomplish your undertakings.
  
• Many times you dream about the things you desire in life, but when it comes down to putting forth the necessary effort and accomplishing your goals, you do not have the strength and initiative.
  
• This name does not allow you the system and order your life requires to run in a smooth, efficient way, and if possible you will avoid having to make decisions because you feel much more secure when you can lean on others.
  
• Many times you make promises you do not keep, although your intentions are always good.
  
• Any weakness in your health would cause you to suffer through either kidney trouble, female problems, or varicose veins.
  
• Due to a sensitivity in your nervous system, you could experience nervous disorders.
• http://www.kabalarians.com/cfm/DisplayNameAnalysis.cfm

Name Game by Shirly Ellis feat. the Banana Splits

 Anyone old enough (like me) to remember the Banana Splits? 

Look for an update upon news of the royal birth and for more entertaining name lists check out the link below. Like youtube...one link leads to another and another until hours have passed and your cheeks are sore from all the guffaws and chortles and snickers. Now there are three GREAT names. My next kid is Snickers :)

Credit where credit is due
http://www.kabalarians.com/cfm/DisplayNameAnalysis.cfm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/31/bad-baby-names_n_3366655.html