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You can't imagine how tired I am of people telling me I am strong. True I have survived a lot in my life...but that doesn't necessarily make a person strong. I would argue that in fact it made me weak. I am afraid to let people get close to me because they will leave and I will be hurt again. People walk all over me and I don't speak up and stand up and speak for myself. Not personal attacks at least by people I know and this includes family, co-workers and bosses. I have no problem speaking my mind to strangers in a store as a consumer. Many of the students I have worked with over the years have told me that I am their best advocate and give them strength to speak up for themselves. But I get walked all over -the proverbial door mat. So explain to me how that makes me strong?
People look at incidents in my life to bolster their argument of my alleged strength, I'll offer an alternative explanation. Yes, it is true that I survived a lot of tragedy in the form of horrific deaths in the family, but from what I can ascertain the alternative was suicide. Additionally, from the age of 8 and 9 I raised my kids on my own with no financial or family support - what was the alternative? Turn them over to social services? These are not examples of strength but rather survival and stubborness...too stubborn to die too stubborn to give in.
This weekend I bought a chain saw. It is electric so that hopefully it is a little lighter and easier to use...because I am going to be the operator! I don't really want to, but I don't have a choice if I want the job done. I have asked I have hinted. Think about it in your own life...immediate family is there for you...others...well, sometimes.
So please, don't ever call me strong. Because I really am not...just put some bugs around me and watch what happens to me lol!
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