Be Afraid be very afraid...

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Sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning scares us. We have some trepidation about what we are going to be facing...a meeting with a client to close a deal, talking to the boss about a promotion or a raise. For me, it is simpler things. Do I look okay today? And lately I worry if I even have the strength to face the day at all.


As much as I used to love my job, going to work often roused feelings of dread and fear. What lie was going to be told about me? What bomb was going to be dropped on me? What atrocity was going to be attributed to me? It's not paranoia...it happened. Time and time again. I fought none of it. I had faith in God that they would see the error of their ways and that Karma being the bitch she is would serve them up their just desserts. Revenge was not my style. If I left them alone, maybe they would respond in kind. Ha! Not...Epic fail! I was called a bitch and a bully because I was aloof and scared to talk to people. Looking at the ground as you passed meant that you were plotting and scheming. Oh the lies people can weave if only given the chance and warped mind. But that is how those good "Catholic" teachers and administrators operate at the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board. Do you have kids in the system? When they tell you they are being bullied...don't just look at their classmates. From my experience there is a good chance that the culprit is taller/older and responsible for the well being of your children. There is a lot of bias and if your kid is not liked, they are treated differently - yes, I mean bullied by school staff. I know...I was!


But lately it is not work that has me afraid. It is the thought of work. Of going back there into the line of fire, going back to be hurt again.


There is a good fear though. It's a fear that keeps us alive and vibrant. For some it is a roller coaster for another it may be the EdgeWalk. It keeps our heart pumping and sometimes a smirk on our face that no-one understands. It is that fear that I am embracing today. That fear that I conquered and feel more alive today because I chose to take the plunge. With thanks and gratitude to the one who had the notion and was there to support me, who reached out their hand to guide me.