One Of Us - Joan Osborne
Disclaimer - This blog is about God. It is not a sermon, it is not about the institution of religion, it is not intended to change or question your beliefs. I have faith and conviction in my beliefs but not so much in organized religion whatever the name that is attached to it (I have been jaded of late).
If I could ask God just one question, what would it be? You know after getting over the shock of seeing him here in front of me while I am still of this earthly world. I think I would have to wonder what he thought of the actions of humanity in the past few centuries. Lot of good things have been accomplished but a lot of deplorable ones too. What would he have to say about the wars and deaths that have occurred in his name?
If I thought I could ask "Why?" and get the hundreds of thoughts that beg that question answered in one fell swoop that would be the one question I would pose. But it is vague and the answers varied. My "Why's" are very different from yours. For me, it has been so long wondering and trying to answer that question myself that I might just as well wait - for it won't be that much longer before I don't need to know the answers. I will have my peace and leave others wondering the same question. I've spent more than half my lifetime undone - indeed proportionately more time than I have left to leave my footprints in the sand.
Maybe I could ask one specific question that could be answered in a lot of different ways but still end up at the same point. I would start off reminding God that all my life I have heard that we are never asked to carry any more than our shoulders can handle. I really think that I want to know when my load can be lightened so that I can begin to dance again instead of crawling under the weight of too many burdens and rejections and pain. I used to smile a lot but I forget how sometimes. I want my old self back. I guess I just feel like it is getting to be too much. Someone I see fairly frequently always starts our visits off with her standard "How you been?", after hearing my standard response of "good and bad". We both wait for the day when that will change to just good or Great! It's tough to handle sometimes, the lack of hope or perhaps better put - the fear of hope. The one thing I always used to say I had was hope...
Hope that it would get better, easier, more comfortable.
Hope that I would understand, learn to cope, forgive.
Hope that I would be loved, rewarded, appreciated.
Hope that at least Karma would come out to play her game.
...but hope became like a false friend that I would cling to until they let me go - to fall further down into the dark abyss. And each time I would fall a little farther, land a little harder. The bruises and pain took a little longer to recover from and each disappointment was a notch in the noose around my neck that threatened to make the next fall the last one.
It's Just Me - Blue October
It just seems to me that some people seem to have things come so easily to them, while others struggles for the smallest reward: jobs, life, love, health, friendships. Those people who we say comes up smelling like roses and can dodge every bullet. The lucky ones, the fortunate ones.
On behalf of all the people struggling to stay afloat, who can't see past their tears - I would ask God...Can you please lighten the weight on our shoulder for at least awhile - until we can smile easily and get stronger?
I am not alone. It is not Just Me. It may be someone you know. Maybe until the time comes for God to answer, you can help someone with the burden they are carrying...
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