In The End - Linkin Park
What can I say, I really tried to let these thoughts go but no matter how many diversionary tactics I try, they boil back up to the forefront of my mind. This evening on the news a man was interviewed who was given a death sentence of 12-18 months about a year ago. He will die from a form of cancer that is causing him increased pain throughout his body as the days go by. That is incredibly sad on its' own but what I can't let go of is his attitude.
He has started a blog called Digital Dying to chronicle what he is experiencing because he felt that there wasn't any information on the internet about the subject. Maybe there isn't a lot of personal experience accounts on the internet because when people get a time sensitive death sentence they try to get in all the living that they can so they can go on to the great beyond without regrets? And that is where my beef lies, he knows or has an idea of how long he has left, he spoke of wishing he spent more time with family and friends. Well, go do it. Have you any idea how many people don't have the opportunity to say goodbye to their loved ones before they are taken?
I will admit that it is a sore spot with me having lost all 5 immediate family members before I was 23 years of age, with my mom having lived the longest reaching 33 years. I never had a chance to say goodbye. They never had the opportunity to make a video for their niece and nephew and grandchildren. They have never reached out to me via letter or recording of any kind from beyond the grave. They were snatched from their place on this earth to move on to the next realm without a moments notice. My brother died of illness instead of an accident and he did have some warning. I am thrilled that he made the most of the time he had left by travelling to Hawaii and New York City and fulfilled his dreams by buying a motorcycle and spending time with me before he went. And that last year is the memories I cherish the most and remember in the most detail. I don't need the latest technology to view what he had to say, it is locked away in my mind. I wonder how this fellow is planning to preserve his final conversations for his family? Has he considered that the advancements in technology could mean that his yet unborn grandchildren will never really hear or see him. In the span of a decade or so we have seen the demise of the Beta, VHS, the floppy drive, the diskette, photographic film, slides, vinyl albums, CD's. What would I do today if I were left recordings on reel-to-reel, or cassettes, or micro-cassettes? I would mourn all over again, every time I thought about it.
We would all love to leave a legacy for our families and the generations to come, but rather than trying to create one, maybe we should concentrate on living it while we can. For tomorrow, we could head for work and never make it there. Tomorrow this fellow sitting pretty thinking he knows when he is going to die could get hit by a bus. There are no guarantees and we need to be grateful for the time we have and make the most of it. Don't tell the reporter you regret not seeing your family, invite them over instead of the media! He has a lot of options for life and saying good bye to loved ones, there are many people coping with sudden death at all ages who don't have choices. I for one would trade a year of my life for the opportunity for one last "I love you", one more embrace, one more look into their eyes, one more moment in time.
I'm not ready to die tomorrow, I still have things to do but I do try to live without regrets, although I may have to live to 150 to get everything on my bucket list done :) That is stuff...not time with people!
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