Ron Sdraulig - the Beginning of The End

I'm Still Remembering - The Cranberries

They say the cream will always rise to the top.

They say that good people are always first to drop.

I am going to commemorate my brother Ron on the occasion of his birthday - January 9th, 1963. Today he would have been 50. He died when he was 21. He had Hodgkins Lymphoma and battled the cancer since he was 9 years old. He also battled society's negative perceptions of sick children and young adults. He didn't get extra concessions to complete school work that he missed because he was hospitalized or sick from treatment - instead, he was called upon to explain his extended absences and why he should be given a passing grade when he missed so much of the curriculum. He was beyond happy when he could do typical teenage things like getting a part time job to earn the money for his future car. He worked at MacDonalds, when the chain was still a relatively new phenomenon in our northern hometown of Thunder Bay, Ontario. Interestingly, it was shortly thereafter that he stopped eating there - officially, he told me it was because he ate the Big Mac on his breaks and simply got sick of them. Maybe it was too much of an eye opener seeing how they were actually "produced". The MacDonalds story isn't about the food however, it is about his value as an employee. For that, he won a portable radio in the shape of a large French Fry, and a wall clock that looked like a big pocket watch with Ronald MacDonalds sitting on an invisible bench waving - a replica of his form found outside many restaurants. Then the cancer came back and he needed time off to get treatment/surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. And MacDonalds fired him. It was different times and I have no doubt that similar treatment would not occur today. But it did happen to him and it changed him. 

Recurrences of cancer were common for him. I don't know all the details but despite periods of remission, he was never deemed cured. After MacDonalds actions, you saw a change in Ron. School became less important. He didn't see a future for himself. If MacDonalds could fire him from a part-time job, who would hire him for a full-time career or job - the likelihood of the cancer returning was greater than a free and clear diagnosis. It was the beginning of the end. And it was a terrible waste because he was an intelligent young man who could have had so much to offer. That was the only job I remember him ever having. 

Ron did graduate from Hammarskjold High School in Thunder Bay and went on to attend Lakehead University. Marks aside, Ron was admitted to the university and into residence because it was inadvisable for him to attend school to far away from his medical team. Graduation was not the goal as much as living the life. I think he was taking some business courses but I don't recall what, he didn't graduate and didn't have the opportunity to embark on a career. But he did have the time of his life during University. The party life style and student culture. He was adamant that no one knew his cancer story because he did not want special treatment. He just wanted to fit in and try to have a normal life like everyone else. He was really happy during that time. He met a lot of really great people. 

Living life was a priority. He jumped in with both feet knowing that his time was limited. He traveled to Hawaii and stayed in penthouse suites. He bought cars he didn't need and while my grandmother stood in the corner clutching her heart, he got a motorcycle license and then a motorcycle. But eventually the wind was sucked out of his sails and he became resigned to his fate. My life was in transition at the time and I was ending a relationship. Ron spent his last months worried about my fate and sanity once he was gone. For with his passing I would officially be all alone in the world with every part of my family having gone on. I told him I would be okay and I couldn't let him down. It wasn't my choice but there wasn't a lot of choices. I had to learn how to live my life suddenly alone and feeling abandoned. I think I did okay when I look back over the years. But more than a quarter of a century later the thought of him hurts so bad and I miss him so much that the tears flow like the water of Kakabecca Falls. 

It was supposed to get easier god-damn it! 

There You'll Be - Faith Hill

"In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky 

In my heart there will always be a place for you in my life

I'll keep a part of you with me

And everywhere I am there you'll be"

"When I think back on these times 

And the dreams we left behind

I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life"

"Well you showed me how it feels

To feel the sky within my reach

And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me"

"'Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength

And I want to thank you now for all the ways

You were right there for me"

"In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky

In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life

And everywhere I am there you'll be"

I cried when you passed. I still cry today. The depth of my love and admiration for you couldn't make you stay. Your heart stopped beating. God broke my heart to prove that he only takes the best. Even if it's only in my dreams and the depth of my soul and being, you'll be there forever.  

A link to last years post:
http://pinkpantherfancanada.blogspot.ca/2012/01/forever-in-my-heart-forever-in-my.html

credit where credit is due
Pictures are the sole property of me - Liz Gigi Sdraulig
Kizoa.com assisted with the creation of the collages

The Love of Two and the Strength for Four - Happy 18th Birthday Mom!

Seems Like a Long Time - Rod Stewart

Today is my Mothers birthday! She would have been 18 years old. Seriously, I never knew how old she was because whenever we asked, she said 18. It wasn't until the year of her birth was carved into her headstone that I could do the math and figure it out for real. Today she would be 72...I can't wrap my head around that. She was just 34 years old when she died - timeless and forever young. For her brief time on earth and even shorter time in my life, she left a gaping hole in my heart and a lasting impact on how I view the world. To say that my Mom overcame a lot of diversity would be an understatement. Her upbringing in a strict Catholic Italian family was dominated by the notion that the rules were different for a girl than a boy. Education wasn't important, marrying well was. When Mom fell in love, her relationship was kept a secret because Dad wasn't the professional that Mom was expected to marry. She did anyways...Go Mom! :) 

Livia and Dante Sdraulig eloped on January 9th 1960 and in the space of 4 years, had four children. When the youngest was just one month old, Mom lost the love of her life and embarked on a decade long battle to avenge his death and hold someone accountable. Bad legal advise prevented that and life was a struggle financially for Mom. Of course, her own mother wasn't too far behind reminding her "I told you so". But Mom had a sunny disposition and did a remarkable job making us feel that we were a "normal" family despite our Dad had died. It is because of my Mother that I love music, love to read and am so well-rounded, Mom valued intelligence and talent. I remember her once saying that she was at a party and was envious of the guy who pulled out a guitar and began to play. Ironically none of us ever learned to play the guitar (although I did try in recent years with minimal success). But we had lessons in just about everything else going. I may miss a few but here we go - swimming lessons and members of a competitive swim team, gymnastics, figure skating, piano, ballet, tap, jazz, art/drawing and modelling. For a time, there was ballet, tap and jazz on three nights a week, swimming five nights a week and piano lessons once a week and practice every night. But there was still time for friends and social although a lot of friends were at the lessons and a lot of social was with the siblings lol! Although I personally wasn't a fan of all the lessons (I prefer to be self-taught lol) I don't regret it, because I have drawn on those experiences many times in my life. 

Besides lessons, Mom's passion was photography. She loved to go out on a Saturday or Sunday to some city landmark or park and take pictures of us. Sometimes posed, sometimes not. It was always fun family time. Quite often the three of us girls would be dressed in matching dresses that Mom had sewn herself. Mom did a lot of sewing, either costumes for dance recitals or day to day clothing. I don't know if it was a passion or necessity to save money, either way we loved getting new clothes that she made. She was a multi-talented lady to be sure. Besides her prowess with a needle and thread, she could also knit and crochet. She tackled many craft projects and was a talented artist and photographer. She was qualified as an educator and did teach English to new immigrants as well as having a few years behind the desk in the mainstream classroom. But I don't remember my Mom as being a teacher, I recall the job she took at the auto body shop as a book keeper and office manager possibly to pay off the debt from a unfortunate encounter with a deer. I remember Mom attending Lakehead University to up-grade her education so she could return to the classroom. She was unceremoniously let go from the Board when she took some time off after Dad's passing to care for her four children all of pre-school age. 

Things were beginning to move forward for her when my brother was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease at the age of 9. Coping with this new challenge and the on-going financial struggles, Mom suffered a nervous breakdown which had her hospitalized briefly. Despite it all, Mom was still able to keep her sunny disposition and a smile on her face. And we felt safe and loved. She had the love of two to give and the strength of four to carry on. But don't ask her to turn that old Mercury Meteor on a dime because she fought with that standard steering. The car was a tank! And there was a good chance her feet were bare because shoes were not a friend to her bunions. I am my mothers daughter...she passed her bunions on to me. And her laughter...the nicest compliment I ever had was when my aunt told me that when I laugh I sound just like my mother. 

There have been times in my life when I have been angry that I didn't have my Mom around. Often in times of crisis when I feel like only a mother could help me. Also in times of joy when I want to be able to share with her. In times of sadness when I would like her to hold me close and reassure me like she used to do. In times of confusion because there was no one that has ever had her ability to make me feel worthy and worthwhile. But I cannot change the circumstances of my life and of her death, as best that I can I have learned to deal with (if not accept) the cards I have been dealt. Today I wish my Mother a very Happy Birthday and know that she is celebrating with all her loved ones in heaven and me here alone on planet Earth. Miss you Mom!