This is a new style and experiment for me. Personal narrative exposing vulnerable thoughts and feelings. Rather than what was and what has been it is what if and maybe someday.
The kisses....oh the kisses. I have learned that in times of despair and loneliness you can wrap your arms around you and pretend that someone else is giving you a hug. You can snuggle with yourself in blankets and imagine the warmth of another near you but nothing can replace the feeling of a kiss. Intimate or not, a kiss is from the heart.
The slobbery kiss of a dog's tongue running up the length of your cheek says I missed you like nothing else that can be imagined. Spontaneous and without prejudice. Love! There isn't another kiss in the world that can express that kind of enthusiasm. If you've ever experienced that level of appreciation, I know you are smiling just remembering it.
The obligatory double cheek kiss shared with relatives is more contrived and less emotional. But still conveys respect if not just familial duty. There is other bodily contact only if this is a rarely seen relation. I know too many wanna-be's for this to have a lot of meaning so I focus on remembering the ones who take the time to whisper a greeting in the ear while you are still cheek to cheek or the one who grip your upper arms to keep you close and drink in your presence. Celebrities can take a lot of credit for the dispassioning of this kiss. Who are they kidding, pursing their lips and then clearly smooching the air beside the cheek they are nuzzling.
The kiss on the cheek between parent and child reaffirms the love and pride shared. This sign of affection is performed too rarely and there is often a long span between the childhood kiss goodnight and the return in adulthood. It seems that our children have to leave the nest before we can openly show affection to them again. And them to us. The feelings don't wan but the desire to grow up means that sometimes we have to push away to move forward. Accepting that, I have come full circle and my kids and I can greet each other with a kiss again. And say goodbye too as we hope it's not the last.
But the kiss I long for is the kiss of passion. The long slow emotionally charged kiss that comes with love. The prelude to the union of souls. A simple joining of lips in the seductive dance. The involuntary sigh as the mouth of a partner comes ever so nearer, the heaving of the chest in the expectation of what is to come. The lips part ever so slightly in the anticipation. An audible sigh escapes with the breath.
|Kiss Cup artwork by Pottery Farm|
The hands roam the body automatically and without thought but with a purpose. Trying to memorize ever curve, every muscle flexing, every bone protruding. The smooth skin, the soft down of fur and the stubble because time has passed since you last caressed. With a moan he takes his cue to run his tongue along her teeth, probing until she reaches out to meet him. It happens without thought or plan. It feels like the right thing to do, naturally.
Bodies pressing against each other with an intensity that makes you think that you can never part. And never want to. It's impossible puzzle pieces that don't look like they can go together but somehow everything fits perfectly. The differences in size and height are irrelevant.
Too soon, it is over. All that's left is to gaze into the other persons eyes and try and drink it all in. Memorizing every strand of hair that frames the face. The wrinkle of experience in the forehead. The smile lines at the corner of the twinkling eyes. The strong nose that provides the perfect depression below it, giving exquisite shape to those luscious lips, now full and glossy. The smile stretches across the width of the face giving definition to the cheeks, slightly reddened now. You see he feels the same way that you do. Your goals are the same. Shared passion.
Alone and hand in hand they go.
I miss the kisses.