You Don't Have to Win the Race to Succeed!

Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

"Some days are diamonds,

Some days are rocks

Some doors are open 

Some roads are blocked"

Karma is just an excuse people use to not exact revenge on their enemies themselves. I am not a believer in the notion of Karma as people portray it today. It seems more of a convenience. The idea of the forces of nature serving punishment for misdeeds just doesn't seem to wash most of the time.  Just once, I would like to see the a-hole who nearly runs me off the road pulled over by the cops or better still his cheek smushed up against the trunk of his car as the handcuffs are fastened and seeing me laugh as I pass him. It hasn't happened yet. Is that Karma?

If I believed in this notion of Karma then I would have to believe that a 10 year old girl did something so awful in her life that she was killed. I have to believe that a 12 year old girl did something so heinous that not only was she disfigured but her entire family was ripped from her life forever. The boy who battled cancer from the age of 9 to his untimely death at 21 was also fighting the forces of Karma. He got what he deserved? I don't think so. Karma has nothing to do with bad things happening to good people. I could write an encyclopedia of personal accounts proving this notion however. Bad things happen and it is not fair or just!

But then look at the other side of the coin and you see the bully that not only carries on with their life seemingly unscathed while at the same time thriving. Meanwhile, their victim is suffering traumatic effects of the abuse and living in fear. Karma my ass! Jeffrey Dahlmer, Ted Bundy, Clifford Olsen, Jack the Ripper. The names are familiar to us but how many of us can name one or more of their victims. Is this Karma? The beast goes on to infamy while the innocent are forgotten. Maybe some of these serial killers are thrown in jail for the rest of their lives but they still have a life (unlike their victims) and by all accounts it's pretty damn cushy. In North America anyways, all the amenities we wish for and then some that the working poor can't afford. Access to higher education, TV, clean clothes, nutritious meals, warm and safe lodgings (yes it may be a solitary existence but it is comfortable). I have known people who were incarcerated repeatedly for petty crimes just so they could rest, eat and wash free. While at the same time, law abiding citizens work two or three jobs just to make ends meet without the luxuries or free time afforded the convicts. Justice? Karma?  

A Little Food For Thought 

She says, "I know, I think I understand. Some people walk protected safe from trouble they never understand and no matter how I try, feel like sinking sand."

"I wish I was a river. A river running free, runnin' wild. I'd wrap my waves around her and carry her off long into the night."

With gratitude to the mastery and talent of Jim Cuddy - Slide Through Your Hands.

The Origins of Karma from Buddha

Buddhas law of cause and effect is called Karma and in its' simplistic form it is about the nature of our intentions. To have good Karma you must have good intentions as we are the architects of our own fate. If we do good we get good back. Buddha actually identified six intentions that drive our actions - 3 positive (kindness, compassion, generosity) and 3 negative (anger, cruelty, greed). If our intention is positive we are said to be doing karma meaning we become what we do. In spreading kindness we are kind. Similarly in acting with anger, we perpetuate anger around us. That would be bad karma.  However to create an atmosphere of understanding we want to be understood but to fully appreciate the concept, we must be misunderstood at some point. To create love we must know and understand hate and feeling of being unloved. To appreciate peace we have to understand the horror of war. To appreciate a smile we must have experienced sadness. 



In the quest to achieve good Karma, we are desiring and seeking Perfection. As nothing is truly perfect in an imperfect world, at some point we must become accepting. The goal of finding perfection for ourselves over the imperfection of humanity can easily cross the fine line over to greed and cruelty. When we seek to become better - we have to compare. Better than what? Better than whom? To be perfect ourselves we must ascribe the label of imperfect to others. That is NOT a positive intentions for our actions. 

In our hope for something better, we may not see when we already have become the best that we can achieve. Ironically, I always said something very similar to the "special" students that I worked with. All you really need to be is the best that YOU can be. You don't have to go to University or be and English scholar to be the best YOU possible. And sadly I have run into more than one university educated teacher who put themselves up on a pedestal over their students. Book learners and hands on learners are two different type of people but not one is smarter than the other. Sometime the attitude of superiority can make a person seem very stupid indeed. If you are in a wheelchair and can't run a marathon, you are not less of a person. You don't have to win the race to succeed. Don't look at the job in the fast food industry as a failure because even the University professor may "want fries with that". Think for a moment what the world would be like in no-one worked at the burger joint, if no-one dug the ditches or collected the garbage. And before we throw all the teachers under the bus - what if there were no educators? I for one, have tremendous respect for anyone who has found their calling in life and does what they do best with the attitude that says I am proud of me. 

Karma be damned. Rather than looking upon it to exact revenge upon those who have wronged us, lets use it to be accepting of our own selves and strive to be the best we can be without the comparisons. If I like and respect you for who you are, it is much harder to be cruel. If I accept you and me, I have no need to belittle you to raise myself up.

The Bottom Line     

If you do good you get good but purely in a spiritual sense. A feeling deep within ourselves, but you have to have a conscience to know this. I live my life in the consideration of the good intentions because I can look myself in the mirror and like myself for the effort. If that was the goal of Buddha when the law of Cause and Effect was conceived than I have attained Karma. Certainly I see myself 10 steps behind perfection because I know my flaws, but I would prefer not to focus on your flaws for they are your own issues. 

As for the people who do me a disservice, I may briefly consider the notion of Karma exacting its revenge but I can't dwell on that for it may never come to fruition in my sight. They have to live with their own intentions without the devil me sitting on their shoulder. These though become the people I don't have the time for. I walk away from the bad vibes and negativity.  

Contrary to the teachings of Buddha however, I do not believe that we alone are the architects of our own fate. We may have a hand in it based on our actions. For example, if we commit a crime, we are likely to end up in jail. We have chosen our own fate. But the child that suffers a disease or ailment has not chosen their fate, they have not perpetrated a crime against humanity to deserve such Karma. There are other powers that be at work here. I can't explain them, I just have more and more questions. 

The good die young - but why? And if I live to be 50 or 90 when the rest of my family has passed before the age of 35 - does that mean I am bad? I can't believe in that notion or I can't live without the fear of the wrath of a supreme being raining down on me. God, Buddha, Karma or the devil himself.

"When life throws lemons at you, make Lemonade! Unless the lemons are rotten...then turn around and walk away. For there is a better orchard around the corner if you take the time to look..."

Buddha Got it Wrong After All

Can't Help Wondering Why - Blue Rodeo

Do these guys know me or what? Never in my life have I had music speak to me like the words and music of Blue Rodeo. It's like they crawled into my head and pulled out my deepest thoughts and set them to music. 

Sometimes you wake up screaming

All my life I must be dreaming

I’ve been wrong

And I’m not strong

But I’ll be the one that keeps rolling on

I was embroiled in thoughts and events of the last few days when I came across a post by a friend on facebook that hit me like a slap across the face. And then suddenly I just couldn't help but wondering why...

...why I find myself in the midst of downsizing my life because I may be forced out of the home that I had expected to be my next to final resting place?
...why I went from a productive and contributing member of society to a near burden on the social assistance system that I had previously avoided like the plague?
...why the life I had planned out for myself and worked tirelessly to ensure the success of has suddenly crumbled at my feet?

Regardless, back to this posting...it said "No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again" the quote was attributed to Buddha. Buddha is known as the one who uncovered many truths about the causes of human suffering and determined that the causes are essentially our own fault and therefore we can do something about the unsatisfactory nature of our own lives. I whole-heartedly and completely disagree. Is the young adult who is abused as a child and lives with the mental, emotional and physical scars of his parents love his own fault? Is the teenager at fault for a crippling work place accident because they felt intimidated to do a job they were not properly trained for? Is the middle-aged mom at fault because she contracted Multiple Sclerosis and now finds herself wheel-chair bound? Can the amputee forget the past when they face that prosthetic limb each morning? Can the person suffering from Schizophrenia have a chance at the normal life of their past again without the voices telling them different? 

Is it my fault that I suffered multiple traumas during the first two decades of my life? Did I cause it to happen? Is it my fault that I was not able to prevent it? Is it my fault that I was not provided with adequate counselling at the time to deal with the trauma? I never thought it was, and I didn't waste a lot of time harbouring hatred or resentment for those that many have been responsible in some part for the events that led to the trauma. I guess I instinctively adopted the teachings of Buddha (even though at that young an age I had no knowledge of him). I knew I couldn't change what happened so I had two choices laid before me. I could either learn to live with my new reality or I could not live. It was this pre-teen wisdom that I imparted to other patients in the hospital at the request of the ward nurses. It seems they were pretty impressed with the healthy attitude I had adopted at the age of 12. That optimistic disposition served me well for most of the rest of my life. With brutal honesty I admit that I went through a really harsh "angry at the world" period during my teens and early 20's. But I grew up and over that. I can only vouch for the character that I see in the mirror but I think the well-adjustedness of my children should speak volumes to the person I became for there is a lot to be said about the effects of both nature and nurture when it comes to the rearing of children. When a child goes bad, the world is quick to blame the mother. On the other side of the coin, I will take all the credit for the children who rock this world with their awesomeness! Not perfect but kids most people would be proud to call them their own. I accept the compliments with humility. 

So why did this quote by Buddha bother me so? Well, I had trauma in my past and I thought I could begin again. I thought I had! But it seems that according to certain businesses and people my past is the cause of my current trauma. Those businesses have really no business in my past and had I known it would be used against me, I would never have shared. The businesses I am talking about are WSIB (Worker's Safety Insurance Board) and the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board. According to them, the bullying and trauma I suffered at the hands of my employer (the school board) was not due to any action by other staff members but rather because of childhood trauma. So you really can't begin again if 30+ years after the fact the past is brought up to be used against you. My past made me who I am. Just like your past made you who you are. My past made me vulnerable and weak and above all made me a target. Bullies bully the weak.  

It is easy to steal money from the blind beggar on the street knowing that he can't see you. 

It is easy to call the deaf child rude names knowing that he can't hear you. 

It is easy to lie about the weak knowing they won't stand up for themselves. 

You can't begin again when your past is thrown back in your face like it's your fault and you deserved it. You can't begin again if every step you take forward, there is someone in front of you pushing you back. You can't begin again if people won't give you credit for the accomplishments you have made and use your coping strategies as weapons against you. 

By admitting that the events that occurred during my employment with the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board was entirely and completely the fault of the various staff and board members, the Board would be admitting to a serious violation of Bill 168 which is designed to protect workers from workplace violence and harassment. It is better in their viewpoint to lie in the face of God and under the cover of Catholicity and blame my childhood trauma. But understand that I was never harassed because I was not performing my job satisfactorily - no I was belittled and chastised because I was afraid to look people in the eye when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball to hide myself and cry. I was reprimanded for not saying Good Morning in the hall to someone who was deemed my superior. My character was assassinated not my work performance. When I tried to stand up for myself I was told I had anger issues and was sent to counselling. The counselors invariably concurred in the belief that I was not an angry person but instead very well adjusted and far from the misfit the Board portrayed me as despite the trauma. 

Were it not for the physical scars that I must carry with me, no one would know that I experienced any trauma at all. The scarring was not my choice or my fault. If you want to lay blame for that one...let's look at my now deceased brother who took too long to pull me from the car and save my life. Or maybe we can lay the blame on the doctors and hospital staff who performed surgery and other procedures to save my life? 

I can look in the mirror each and every day and know that I am okay and not at fault. My past is what it is. I never used it to my benefit to get anything. Not a government handout or a job or as a crutch or for sympathy. No one ever had a fund-raiser for me and I never asked for anyone's pity or sorrow. I never used it and I certainly never gave anyone else permission to use it against me. 

Shame on you for doing it anyway! 

OH DEAR INDEED!