The Damage Is Done

Fill Our Wounds by In-Flight Safety

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3NWtUsZ2gs

I don't know about you but every now and then a story with come on the news and affect me in a way that I never expected. I'm not talking about the "feel good" stories that warm your heart or even the "crimes against humanity" stories that make your blood boil. I get those feels too but this is different. Sometimes a news story will bring up all the pain and sorrow of my past and my life and breaks me so hard I have to stop and fix myself...again. 

Right now, I am feeling damaged beyond my ability to repair. And the culprit is the current policy of the government of the United States to rip the children of refugees from their parents arms as they attempt to cross into the country from the Mexican border. The reporters talk to experts who say that the children are traumatized and likely to suffer from P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), nightmares, anxiety and emotional stability even later in life. It never goes away. And every time I hear a snippet of this news item (I shut it off quickly) I feel pain. I feel like I am being ripped apart one more time from the last people who really loved me. My mother, my sisters, my brother and yes even my father (who I barely knew). 

This is an intense feeling of detachment. Feeling like I am not like others, like I don't quite fit in the world around me. That I don't belong. Like the bruised apple in the bag that isn't good enough to be taken out, given a little shine against the chest and then looked at admiringly and enjoyed. I spent the majority of my teenage and young adult life believing that I was not worthy in any way of love or to be loved...as a child is loved by their parents. 

Overall, I know I've done pretty well for myself (despite the hardships) and there are a few people who helped me to get as far as I did. Shout out to the Laws who stepped in to fill a void because their hearts were so big they had room to love 2 more. There have been others too (friends, extended family) but always you know that they have their own family priorities. It's just not the same. 

I had a mother, father, brother and sisters - past tense. I may love people and consider them like family but they will never have the blood bond or the ability to take the place of my loved ones. My ex-mother-in-law once said to me that I could call her "Mom" because I didn't have one of my own. I was deeply offended and from that day forward she was always referred to as "ex's mom", I never called her by name. That happened 14 years after my Mom died and 30 years ago and it still bothers me. I don't believe that she had any intent to hurt me as she did. Others hurt me, with and without intent. 

World We Know - Crash Parallel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WWi6ZL2JnE

After my Mom and sisters died in 1974 when I was 12 years old, I spent several months in the hospital and when I finally returned home, I was a different person (inside and out). I returned to live in the family home but it wasn't the same, for me it was a house of pain where I struggled for the next 5 years. Those were formative years, teenage years. Years, that for many spawn pleasant memories of friendship, young love, personal growth to look back on in later years. I left that home with resentment, anger, bitterness and a deep craving for love. I bought friends, spent money to be with others. I fell into relationships that weren't only fundamentally wrong for me but were un-healthly emotionally and psychologically. People telling me I was unworthy was all I knew. And when some of those people weren't verbally cruel they did take advantage of my vulnerabilities and kindness of heart. And no I am not saying I am in the running for sainthood. 

I do believe that I had a right to be angry but it didn't have to manifest itself the way it did. There needed to be some counselling to help work through the myriad of emotions and feelings of abandonment, and the anger. There needed to be some way to learn to love my self and know that I was okay. There needs to be someone to listen to the cries of the children. 

I'm not alone in my loss. There are many others who have lost loved ones. Others who have been scarred. Others with crappy teenage experiences. Others who have been bullied at school and at work. Why do I continue to feel the way I do? 

Life after Mom, I was constantly subjected to interactions that told me there was something wrong with me, that I didn't fit in, that I made people uncomfortable. That I wasn't okay. I was judged so they could put me in a place where I could be controlled. It took a tremendous and life-altering toll on my existence. I wasn't successful in school, I was told I was stupid. What career could I possibly have that would keep me hidden. Yes, I was told that my very appearance frightens people and I should do what I can to cover and hide my scars. The Unknown Comic could have been me without the laughs.

The difference then between me and others who suffer but still thrive is support. Primarily unconditional family support and love. If our families can be behind us we will be okay. Someone will be there to help us stand learn to walk and maybe even run again. 

That's what I hope for these children who have been ripped from the arms of their loved ones. That they will be re-united with that unconditional love that will help them understand they weren't left because they weren't good enough. 

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Final thoughts: I struggle to understand if all of this makes sense to the average person reading it. I can't do more to fix it. Let this graphic speak for me....

credits

Globe and Mail:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/world/us-politics/article-babies-young-children-separated-from-parents-at-border-sent-to/

https://globalnews.ca/news/4286160/health-impact-family-separation/

A Few Trips Around the Sun with Mother Earth

Changing the Weather - Crash Parallel

Southern Ontario has dodged another bullet weather-wise! Being left more than a little embarrassed in the past, the meteorologists were reluctant to say definitively that we would receive a specified amount of snow. Instead of screaming Snow-maggedon again, they tentatively predicted 15-20 cm of snow that could easily turn to rain. This evening on the news they blamed the slight rise in temperature combined with the still warm ground that the snow was falling on to explain the lack of accumulation. And that is how this whole "winter" has been. I rushed to replace my shovel in October before the supplies were depleted and I was left clearing the driveway with a garden trowel! Since then, I have used it twice. Even today with the Winter Storm Warning in effect, the driveway was barely slushy. I'm not really complaining but I am concerned. This is not normal weather. I am worried that this mild winter will impact the spring and summer season soon upon us. 

Alaska is not a stranger to the winter storm and frigidly cold temperatures, but by mid January of this year over 200" of snowfall had been recorded. That's more than 16 FEET! No wonder house roofs were collapsing under the weight of it all. That is more than double the seasonal average and the temperatures have been so cold that none of it has had the opportunity to melt. This is causing major disruption in the flow of traffic and supplies, not to mention the risk of avalanches. But for the continental United States, it is quite a different story. One report claims that as of January of this year a mere 14% of the country was covered in snow compared to 60% at this time last year. That is significant and troublesome. 

Then you have Europe. In a two-week period beginning towards the end of January, more than 650 people have died due to record-breaking cold weather and snow fall in places that are unaccustomed to such phenomenon. Thousands of people are stranded in their homes behind walls of snow 13 feet deep, often with no electricity. Boats are trapped on rivers that froze over during the blizzards, cars are abandoned all over the roads, one airplane skidding into a pile of snow while attempting to take-off. I don't know what the norm is for winter weather conditions in this part of the world, but I would suggest this isn't it, if every other newspaper has a story on the devastating toll the snow is taking on the citizens. 

I am going to stick my neck right out there to be lopped off and say that I have to laugh at the weather-related stories that I have heard lately coming from neighbours to the south. I laugh at the ignorance when Canada is blamed for all the cold weather affecting the United States, and the perception is related that all of Canada is snow-bound. Just as an aside - I had to spend several months 4 hours south of my hometown of Thunder Bay in Duluth, Minnesota. I was often asked if we lived in igloos and if we had a summer at all. Reality was that the weather was almost identical, but this was before the world-wide exchange of information that we can access these days. Regardless, even today with the expanse of the globe compressed into a few strokes of the keyboard, there is rampant misinformation being shared by supposed professionals. Consider British Columbia. Larger than Washington, Oregon and California combined, the coast is unlikely to see snow in the average winter. But a short drive to the central and northern parts of the province with take you closer to the Rockies with an abundance of snow and great skiing conditions. Toronto, Ontario is on the same latitude as Cannes in the Riviera and just to the south is Windsor on the same plane as Northern California. It is a serious mis-judgement to lump all of Canada into one similar package when from sea to sea, north to south there is enough variety in landscape and weather to please anyone and to compare to anyplace. 


I feel sorry for meteorologists and weather forecasters, no matter what they say there are gonna be people hating on them. Rain is a blessing for the farmer and a curse for the construction worker, and so it goes. I wonder what the suicide rate is for the profession. No matter what the weather, people hate you and blame you. I would think they are just below lawyers in the people we love to hate. But they are the ones who spend the hot days of the summer wising it was cooler and the cold days of the winter wishing it was warmer. Wouldn't it be nice if we could appreciate what we had when we had it - including the weather?

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This most recent storm that we were expecting was not coming from the Northern Territories at all but from the southern United States. Yes this storm that barely created a rain fall let alone a snow event, created havoc in several southern states with extensive snow and high winds. But beyond being a competition, we should be very concerned about the trends we are experiencing. Toronto citizens are beginning to refer to the 2011-2012 winter season as the Winter That Never Was, it took until mid-February to declare a winner in the contest predicting the first day that 5 cm of snow would fall at one time. Typically, we would see closer to 65cm falling during the winter season. Behind the people celebrating the best winter ever, there are people who are seriously worried. 

What does this all mean and why is it happening? This mild weather that we are experiencing now could potentially impact spring and summer to come. In the mild days of January, critters were active beneath the garden soil that had still not frozen, flowers were beginning to bloom. And then you have a couple of days of cold. Will the flowers come back or has the cycle been broken. Have we altered the life cycle of the critters. Has the migratory pattern of the birds been affected. I am not exactly Methuselah but I have lived through a few trips around the sun. There was a time when fall was a distinct season with a predictableness to it. The changing of all the leaves, the gradually dropping of the mercury and the flight of the geese heading south. The flocks in a "V" were unmistakable. The formation is not so regimented anymore, and the time frame for the flight is vague. Geese, even in smaller numbers can be seen throughout the winter months now. Not good. 

Global Warming. I'm not a fan of that term, I would prefer something that encompasses the notion of the change in the weather and weather patterns. Indian summer (abnormal warmth during the fall months) is more an expected occurrence than a rarity. The freak snowfall on April Fools Day or later is not fooling anyone in its regularity. There have been many Christmas' of late that jackets are optional. And it isn't just in southern Ontario. My own hometown of Thunder Bay could count on winter hitting with a vengeance and sticking around. By my birthday at the end of November we were skiing regularly at one of 7 ski hills and going until at least the beginning of March. Now, most of the ski hills have closed because of the unpredictable weather. There are regular melts and rainfall instead of snow. Snowmobilers don't want to put money down on trail passes when there is a good chance that the trails may only be operational for 1 or 2 weekends. 

It's time to open our eyes and be concerned about what we are experiencing with the Changing Weather and start to make some serious changes in our callous treatment of Mother Earth. Awareness is the first step.