Trolling for people! (or Shooting Fish in A Barrel)

Peace on Earth - U2

Another mass shooting in the United States this past week (on Friday December 14, 2012). And I am going to say it again, I don't want to celebrate the name of the shooter and have their name at the forefront of my memory. I am annoyed at myself for remembering Marc Lepine, Paul Bernardo, Ted Bundy etc but I am hard pressed to recall the victims so quickly. That's sad. 

But it is the first thing that comes out in a news story as traumatic as this. We want to know who and why. It seems to me that the perpetrator of these heinous acts seem to take the cowardly route and turn the gun on themselves before society can mete out justice. Among the bodies strewn about the location, the gunman is easily identified with weapons nearby and bullets on the person. The name is released to the media quickly. And then it is repeated over and over again. I will not fall into that frenzy again. The names of 26 victims may be a lot to recall, but I will celebrate their life and mourn their loss and their families sorrow without the attachment of the name (or mental picture of) the one who mowed them down.

And so within moments of the news leaking to the world that a gunman with an assault rifle entered the Sandy Hook elementary school in the picturesque community of Newton, Connecticut, USA and opened fire. From hallway to classroom he sprayed more than 100 bullets and 26 found their mark and claimed a life. Sadly according to some reports, after being shot from a distance the killing became up close and personal and some children were shot up to 11 times. This isn't random, to me it is a personal vendetta that he carried out - but for what reason we may only ever be able to speculate about. Maybe it doesn't really matter why? 20 children never got to give their families one last kiss, 6 adults never got to say good bye to their loved ones. 

But wait, their were two more victims. The gunman and his mother. I understand not wanting to lump the murderer in with the death toll he caused but why is his mother left out? Is it because it was her weapons that were used. Ah yes, it seems that Mom had an arsenal of hand guns and rifles and enjoyed taking her children out for a family outing of target practice. Bizarre behaviour in my mind but I live in a nation that has different outlooks on gun ownership. And this is where I am going with this.


There is no need for your average Joe Citizen to own an assault rifle or automatic weapon of any type. Certainly I think it is time that the parameters of who, how many and what types of guns should be allowed in a household in the United States. NRA be damned. The death toll would not have been so high with a single shot weapon. If there were no weapons ready for the taking in the home, the gun man may have released some of his rage before acting on it. We know that we can get our hands on a weapon if we are really intent on it, but with the time it takes to get it, our murderous rage may be calmed somewhat. But if your second amendment right to bear arms supersedes my right to life then at least please take the deadly velocity out of the equation.  

I equate hunting game with a rifle or shotgun in the same vein as fishing with a lure or live bait. One animal or fish is captured. No excessive killing. Then there is the semi-automatic or automatic weapon that has the capability to mow down an entire herd of animals in moments. Like the fishing net that captures everything in its path with no chance of survival. It is no longer a sport or survival. It is business with a devastating impact, socially or environmentally.  

Melt the Guns - XTC

Bottom line, I suppose is that a mass killing can and does happen regardless of the weapon involved. Case in point, the bombing of the Federal Building in Oklahoma City (168 people dead, many injured), the commercial airliners into the World Trade Center (2,753 dead), Jonestown massacre by poisoning (909 dead). While the number of victims here may be greater, these attacks against humanity where planned out events that took considerable time and preparation. Comparatively, Sandy Hook elementary school had fewer casualties, but an interesting analogy was brought up concerning another elementary school being targeted on the other side of our planet. In China a man with an unknown vendetta against school age children went on a spree that left 23 victims in his wake. The difference being that his weapon was a knife and there was not one fatality! The man was subdued by witnesses. I too, would risk a stab wound over a barrage of bullets to attempt to stop an attacker in his tracks. A no-brainer really. You would expend very little personal energy squeezing a trigger than you would pounding a knife through flesh and bone.  

                                                                        

But this tragedy is really not just about the argument for or against gun ownership. It is about mental illness as well. For I think it is safe to say that someone who flies into a murderous rage and takes a weapon to slaughter countless innocent people before himself is not quite right in the head. Whether it is a means to an end in seeking revenge and final retribution for wrongs that have been committed against the attacker, or some perverse ideal of achieving infamy and notoriety for all the days after our life - the thinking process is skewed. 

Considering this picture, it is true that the steps are harder to climb than it is to walk into the visually attracting gun store, but sometimes we have to swallow some of our own pride to reach out and climb those stairs. It is not an easy thing for people to go against societal expectations and admit that we are weak and incapable of handling life and need help. And often times we don't know ourselves that we need help and can't cope on our own. But that doesn't mean that it is society's fault if we don't recognize that need. Some people go to the doctor for a small ache or pain and practice preventative care, some people are riddled with cancer before they know something is not right. The same can and does hold true for mental illness. We don't necessarily know that the way we view the world is skewed, our neighbours and society tell us that problems are solved with guns. Movies and media preach the notoriety garnered by revenge. It's what we learn and know. Restriction of access to guns will not stop mass violence against humanity but it might make it harder. What the US is doing now sure isn't working! 

I'm familiar with the mental health system in Canada. Unless you are in crisis (ready to snap) there are simply not enough professional to care for the growing number of people who are having difficulty coping with society's expectations. And of course there are always abuses to the system that makes it harder for those in real need. For every little misbehaviour it seems that parents are running to look for a diagnosis to be used as an excuse for what is nothing more than lack of effective parenting. And where there is a real problem with a dysfunctional teen, parents are often oblivious because of the demands that are placed on them from family and work obligations. 

I don't know what the answer is. I do know that someone had to recognize when I was in crisis and take steps to remedy it because I wasn't climbing those stairs to shout it out for the world to hear.  

If someone has it in their head that they are going out with a bang, banning gun ownership is not going to stop them. We can't outlaw knife ownership, and certainly vehicles have been used to intentionally kill the innocent. We can't ban cars. Most schools are locked to the public, but there will always be the crack that someone slips through. Tragedy on a grand scale can happen at a school, business, shopping venue or public transit. We can't prevent it all but we have to try and make it harder to do the deed and help the ones we can. That is all



Final note: Morgan Freeman has had some words to share about this topic and it isn't difficult to find the associated commentary shared all over social media sites.  I would like to share that according to snopes.com, Morgan Freeman never made the comments attributed to him. But I did! The synopsis of his first paragraph is found in my musings from October 2012 entitled You Don't Have to Win the Race to Succeed! This is the link. http://pinkpantherfancanada.blogspot.ca/2012/10/you-dont-have-to-win-race-to-succeed_9.html

Final Final note: There was a lot of commentary about this subject posted on the internet and on social media and much centered around the unprovoked attack, gun ownership and mental illness. But there was one comment that was different and stopped me in my tracks to re-read it several times. While expressing great sorrow and compassion for the victims and families in Connecticut, there was a resentment that hundreds of children have been massacred at the hands of the US Drone strikes in Pakistan and Yemen. On one hand the American people are expected to be grief stricken by the senseless actions of a madman while at the same time be supportive of the government and people who continue to kill children and innocent people off their shores filling an agenda that is possibly just as insane. But permissible and not questioned in the name of war. Hmmmm?

Credit where credit is due:
snopes.com
pinkpantherfancanada.blogspot.ca

Travelling the Highway of Life in the Single Lane

Hey Ho - The Lumineers

I love to talk, I love to write but I can't say it any better than The Lumineers:

I've been trying to do it right

I've been living a lonely life

I've been sleepin' here instead

I've been sleepin' in my bed

So show me family 

All the blood that I will bleed

I don't know where I belong

I don't know where I went wrong

But I can write a song...

The empty chair.

No one likes to be in the midst of a crowd of people with the only vacant seat in the room being the one next to you. What does it mean exactly? You begin to question yourself. Did I shower this morning? Did I use to heavy a hand with my fragrance? But if you are me, you internalise and assume it is the you that you cannot change. The intrinsic personality that has developed and been set in stone since birth. It that core belief system that has been reinforced everytime you see that empty chair beside you. There is nobody who wants to sit through the ride of life next to you. Of course the rationale side of you knows that this is not the case, rather sometimes you have to look outside of the room - beyond the assembled crowd to find the right participant for your life's journey. 

But at that moment, it wouldn't matter if there were 5 other empty chairs in the room, you would feel like there was a spotlight on the one next to you. The empty chair means that you have come alone. You are the one travelling the highway of life in the single lane. There is no one that is going to take that spot and help you move into the more popular HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lane. But we can't always decide when someone will chose to sit and rub elbows with us. Chance or fate. There are somethings that are just out of our control. 

One thing that most of us lugging that chair like an albatross around our neck wants is someone else to decide who is going to sit. Who we spend time with, whether it is a casual acquaintance or a life mate should be a decision we make on our own. There are a lot of people I like and respect in my world, but not everyone of those people would have open access to the secrets of my heart. There are many I could spend even hours with in a social environment but one on one and someone would be begging for mercy and looking for an escape route. It would probably be me. One of my most favourite people in the world is me! I enjoy spending time with myself and can always find something to occupy my time. I think that makes me more particular about who I wish to spend my time with. Why just last evening an acquaintance was cozying up making conversation - and while I was outwardly cordial, I didn't invite discourse beyond the superficial banter. I had my guard up for sure, but that was only because I know for a fact that she has taken what little she knows about me and used it as gossip at her weekly social gabfest. Why would I give her more ammunition? Does this make me cold and unsociable? Perhaps - but it is also self-preservation. Maybe if I see her again, I will have the courage to speak my mind and tell her what I think of her malicious gossip.

Who am I kidding? One piece of advice that my Mom loved to share was if you have nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself. I won't say anything, I will hold my tongue. Inside I will hurt and I will cry but it is quite unlikely that I will share my thoughts especially with someone who I have been hurt by.

Mental illness like Cancer or any other human ailment is not something that people wish to have. Most often the onset is out of their control. Personally, a diagnosis of depression and anxiety is certainly not something I ever expected to happen at this stage of my life. I would have been less surprised if it had come about in my pre-teen or even teen years (when I really could have classified as messed up). But now? 

Closer to retirement than not, my lifes' course was set in my mind. The children were "successfully" raised and making their own way in the world. I had a job that I loved and financially, things were coming together. I could start to look forward to the extra things in life - maybe even a trip back overseas to explore more of Europe. Socially, it was time to focus on finding that right person to sit in the empty chair - at least there would be some fun in the search!

But with that diagnosis nearly two long and lonely years ago came alienation. If I announced the big "C" had invaded my life, I would have people coming out of the woodwork to offer support and comfort. As it is, people are afraid. There is still a stigma attached to mental illness, people seem to fear that they might catch it if they are exposed to the tears that fall. The only thing I see is that I am seeing you for your true muted colours. And I want to run away and I won't look back to see you. You probably won't even notice. And I'm talking about the people who should be standing next to me - family. Or in my case the people who in the past have wanted to "stand-in" for my family.

The celebration of Thanksgiving has recently passed for us living here in Canada. A time to get together with family, share a meal and some joy. We are lucky to be far enough away from Christmas that the American shopping frenzy that follows there Thanksgiving turkeyfest doesn't apply to us. Regardless, back to the Lumineers - Show me family and where I belong. Family has never been for me - and with the alienation due to my current struggle to survive, I didn't feel comfortable with the concept of family get-togethers. The square peg in the round hold syndrome. It has been said many times and now in countless facebook posts "Family is not always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs, the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what." In that case, my family is my friends. In-laws, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents - they are family of sorts by definition but not necessarily by actions. By their actions, I felt invited for the harvest feast by obligation not desire and there was an empty chair where I had sat in the past when I was well and accepted. Metaphoric empty chair - for I am sure that they found someone else to sit and break bread with the family. 

And that would be okay for I am not one to go where the welcome mat has been stowed away. But then I came across this little tidbit "A person's own family is, without a doubt, the greatest wealth we will ever achieve...we are rich!" My chair has been beside her at the table. I am not her own family. She is rich and I am...not worthy. Perhaps I am overly-sensitive but if you never thought that words can hurt...well they do. Those of us without family - by God's design or our own fate is not necessarily of our choosing. 



Maybe I don't know where I went wrong because I didn't go wrong. Wrong was done to me. I cannot climb in their head and understand their motivations. They are truly Ugly people with souls like rocks. And because of the unfortunate timing of it all I am going to pay a brief tribute to Amanda Todd. Amanda was a 15 year old girl from British Columbia who very recently succeeded in taking her own life. Amanda didn't do anything wrong, she had pride and self-esteem and shared the love of herself with someone else who exploited her youth and innocence by bullying and belittling her. She suffered from anxiety and depression and alienation. In her own words, I have nobody. I need somebody =( I feel her pain...acutely. I've been there. I am there. 

People don't die from suicide, they die from sadness! 

Truer words were never spoken. Invite someone to sit in the empty chair. You may save a life and at the very least you can be a somebody, even for just a little while. Don't judge. Believe. Just sit beside them so they aren't feeling so alone.