The Ride Doesn't End Until Time Runs Out

Time - Hootie and The Blowfish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q5UEf8kHa8

Time has been preoccupying my thoughts a lot lately. People hoping for winter to end is like hoping for time to pass by quicker. It's mid-April and Easter but it feels like it was just Valentines Day! Christmas is but a distant memory. 

A friend turned 50 recently and although I jokingly reminded her that once her actual birthday had passed, she was closer to 75 than she was to 25, it hit probably hit me harder than it did her. I can't get it out of my head. Double nickels will soon be a memory for me. How much time do I have?

Reflection and introspection reminds me that while I am enjoying my life, there are some aspects (some goals) that I am not even close to achieving. Time is slipping away. I have to accept that maybe they are less goals and more fantasies. Or do I?

I feel like I am riding the proverbial roller-coaster. Thrills and excitement that take your breath away and leave you screaming with joy and fright. Extreme highs that eventually end in quick descent back to earth. Back to reality. And for me, if I am not careful, a fall into depths even lower than the frost line.

I am not talking bi-polar disorder, I am talking about the love-hate relationship I have with myself. Society and the constant images we are bombarded with that tell us we are too fat, too short, too stupid, too blonde, too white, too old, too ugly. Are we okay or are we not? 


I know I am not perfect but sometimes I think I am alright. Sometimes I am reminded that I am not. The highs come from the acceptance of others or those times when you have decided that it just doesn't matter. And then you see a picture or a mirror. Or worse that couple that you can't help but envy, for they found love. 

He doesn't see that she doesn't have the figure of a super-model. She doesn't see that his belly is pushing down the waistband of his pants. It's acceptance and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, in the soul and in the life shining through the eyes. It doesn't matter what we deem our sexual orientation to be, as human we crave companionship. Someone to call our own. I'm not so different deep down.

I want to be a Ford Mustang that is appreciated and revered not the Edsel that is the butt of jokes. 

Sometimes, in your life you find someone who is willing to ride with you and have a few laughs along the way. But the ride has to have 2 drivers, 2 people deciding which road to take, 2 people sharing the maintenance, 2 people putting gas in the car. When the balance is off and the life not shared, we come to a fork in the road and take different paths. 

But what is the point of the journey if there is no destination. Are you just riding in circles, wasting time? Spinning the wheels and getting nowhere fast. I enjoy a joy ride as much as the next person but sometimes I want to know that the trip won't end when you find a better travel partner. I want to be good enough for every part of the journey. 

I have a friend, he has a mechanic at home and is happy to have someone go for short jaunts around town with. 

I have a friend that has been burned once too often and has put all the hot coals in the same basket. Just far enough away to not feel.

I have another friend, he would prefer to have a driver who is more a sounding board then a travel companion. A chauffeur waiting for the next order. Throw the dog a bone. 

When do you get out of the car? How do you know when it is time to stop putting time and effort into keeping the old clunker chugging along. When do you walk away...alone. 

Just because someone is keeping the fire under control doesn't mean that they want to put it out. And so I am finding myself wondering - am I wasting time? 

I don't know if it is enough anymore to just have fun going in circles. 

Are the words of kindness just...words? 
           





































I don't want to be the poison sumac growing alone in a forest of beautiful magnolia trees. I want someone to look at me like I am a magnolia. Losing some petals, a few broken branches, exposed roots and even buds that no longer bloom. But beautiful none the less.

Because that is how I see you. Beautiful in my eyes. Flaws and all. Despite what the media would have us believe, we all have imperfections. I for one need struggle to remember that.


Meanwhile, the ride doesn't end until time runs out. Maybe I just need to find another car and driver? 

Credit where credit is due:
Time by Hootie and the Blowfish
Picture of Ford Mustang 
Picture of Magnolia

Time for Version 2.349

Lost and Lazy by 54-40

Time.

It's been on my mind a lot of late. Stands to reason, with one year winding down and new fresh start about to break free. Many of us begin to contemplate resolutions, things we want to change or improve with ourselves and our lives over the coming year. But I prefer to think in terms of dreams and hopes. Like, I hope I see the end of 2017 :)

There seems to be more than the usual amount of people anxious to see the back end of 2016. Can't say that I blame them in some respect but I cringe at the thought of wishing away time!

2016 did not offer enough time for way too many celebrities and musicians that us baby boomers felt a little too acutely. Musicians included David Bowie, George Michael, Prince, Glenn Frey, Merle Haggard (who died on his birthday), Leonard Cohen, George Martin, Greg Lake, Keith Emmerson, Paul Katner and Maurice White. And that's just scratching the surface. The thing is, many of these artists died of age related complications and they are my age! 

I don't have hard facts to back it up, but I wouldn't argue with the suggestion that 2016 was the year the music died. Of course, the day that the music died is considered to be February 3, 1959 when Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson along with their pilot died in a single plane crash. 

Time stopped for many celebrities that also fell into the category of boomer age or those we grew up watching. Our Brady mom, Florence Henderson, Abe Vigoda, Alan Rickman, Pat Harrington, Doris Roberts, Garry Marshall, Gene Wilder, Gordie Howe, Alan Thicke and of course Carrie Fisher followed one day later by her mom Debbie Reynolds.

It seemed all a little overwhelming. Every other day another idol - gone. Heart attacks, Alzheimers, cancer. Diseases and ailments we can all contract. It's quite different from the drug or booze filled tragedies that took our celebrities too young. The 27 club. Or accidents like the above mentioned plane crash.

So, what do we do with our time. We all know that nothing is guaranteed. How do we want to spend the moments we have?

It's a subject that seems to have come up very often this year in particular. We all have time to take care of necessary business (work, chores, sleep, etc) and a varying amount of free time. Leisure. I wouldn't judge how anyone chooses to spend their time, but I would remind them that the decision is not set in stone. 

In my last few years, I have become more spontaneous for this very reason. I don't want life to pass me by while I am watching TV or checking out Facebook. Although I must say that those activities can sure be easier on the pocket book than the concert tickets or meals out. Fact is, every time you walk out the door it is likely gonna cost you money. A little or a lot...although sometimes none. 

But while I am out gallivanting about town, my dishes are not getting done, Twitter is chirping merrily along, another episode has aired, and facebook has no idea what has become of me. But I have met some awesome people and musicians, I have volunteered to make my community a better place, I have been there for my friends, and they have been there for me. 

My personal relationships have never been so strong. Because I started (still a work in progress) to pick up the phone to call a friend instead of messaging. I gotta say, it feels good. But it takes time. I can't multi-task as well, I certainly can't talk to 2, 3 or more people at one time - unless a group convo. I want to do my part to ensure that the art of conversation does not go down the same dead end road that cursive writing seems to be heading for.  


I don't want to find myself in hell! As I am older, I am wiser. I will continually strive to be a better version of myself. If technology has taught us nothing else, it has shown us that there are always tweaks that can be made to improve the core project. 

But I must act quickly before I run out of time! The most precious of commodities that can be neither bought nor sold. Just borrowed. 

Please, when we get the chance to be with each other, take the time to see me and be with me. There will be plenty of time for selfies, texts, and games when I'm gone. I'm gonna try and I hope you will too! 

If you need me, have patience I can't hear the phone ring over the sound of the music or laughter!