The Psychopath in the Office (and In My Life)

Crippled Inside - John Lennon

I just had an appointment that was trying to determine my strength and ability to bounce back. Bounce back from being tossed to the ground and trampled upon until I was little more than a weak shell of my former self. Okay, I am paraphrasing in order to be somewhat vague quite intentionally. You see I am sick and tired of having my head and thoughts probed. People making judgements about me after knowing me for a few hours. 

But at the same time they are forgetting, forgetting that prior to (and while) suffering nearly a decade of abuse by my employer I was a fabulous and successful single parent with no financial or emotional support from family or the sperm donor (that's for you LM). Truly single and alone! My children are a living testament to my character and mental stability - so is my long list of volunteer assignments and personal accomplishments. A published columnist with no formal training, a director of senior baseball who never played the game, a talent with construction that was never taught. And I could go on but its not my style.



Up until December 2010 I was a viable and contributing member of society. Following all (or most of the rules) and doing more than my fair share of making the world a better place for all to live in. And then my world came crashing down around me. It was the beginning of my end...emotionally. 

But one thing that can never ever be taken from me is my intelligence. It is my intelligence that tells me that even though I am emotionally crushed I am worth my space on earth. My self-esteem was taken from me. My sense of self was taken from me. My career was taken from me. My home, my life and my livelihood was taken from me. 

And I found my voice. I don't sing...I write. And when I find myself before the keyboard I find the voice that is struggling to understand. And as the music plays in the background, it speaks to me. Because here alone with my thoughts, I am safe. I can be who I am inside I can be the person that I admire and love without being judged. 

Don't like what I look like - you can't see me. 

Don't like what I sound like - you can't hear me.

Don't like what I say - stop reading.

Up here and far away in my tower - you can't touch me.

Here I have control of the delete and block button. You can't hurt me.

But are all my skills transferable to a career in the outside world? Have you ever gotten so afraid that every muscle in your body tensed up and pulling your arms in to try and protect yourself you feel like one deep breath and you would snap and shatter into a million pieces. That is my fear. I fear people that I can't protect myself from. There are too many people out there that want to hurt. Those that live for the cut-throat, dog-eat-dog, instant gratification of pushing down who ever is in their way. The people like those where I was trashed like non-recyclable garbage by those who should have cared. How can ever expect to be safe when forced to be with people who are given power to control my life and determine that I am not good enough? I am not speaking about capabilities I am speaking about character and personality. Obviously I am not pretending to be a CPA or certified welder. My education focuses on educating.

I know me. I am not a fighter. I am not angry. I am non-confrontational. I am private and distant at times. At times I am confident and the life of the party. I have a wicked sense of humour and love to laugh and love. I am a great advocate for others but can't find my voice to scream when I am being hurt. I love a good debate but don't know how to deal with personal attacks. We don't have to agree but we can be respectful - well I can.

But what do you do when you walk into your bosses office to congratulate them on their new promotion and they respond by saying "You know, I never like you from the first time I met you." (which was two years previous when she wasn't your boss). What are you supposed to say to that? How are you supposed to respond? It happened to me and I ate it. I said nothing. And she spent the rest of our working relationship doing everything she possible could to destroy me. There weren't complaints about my work but fabrications that couldn't be proven or could easily be disproven if given the chance. Or they were blatant character assassinations. I didn't socialize in the staff room. I didn't say hello in the halls. They didn't like my voice. 

When I stopped going to the torture chamber that was my daily job I was all but broken. Four and a half years later and the pieces are starting to come together but it just takes a small breeze to blow the house of cards down. The glue isn't set. I'm not sure that there is a glue strong enough to heal the hurt. The hurt goes far beyond the surface where a simple patch job might have sufficed. Intervention after the first attack more than 12 years ago.  

I trusted those people who were supposed to keep me safe and now I don't know how to be safe again. It is one thing to lose a hand and be unable to do your job as a surgeon. It is quite another to lose your mind and belief in yourself and everything that was good about you and go back to any job where your very soul is in jeopardy of falling apart at any moment. The hand-less surgeon still has the knowledge that they are okay, that they are capable. Their body is broken but not their spirit. Does that make sense to anybody? Besides me? 

In 2010, I wasn't perfect. There were things I wanted to change about myself (including ridding myself of a smoking habit), but I liked myself. I could look in the mirror and like what I saw - the physical flaws were the same as they are today, but they made me who I was and that was okay by me. Then! 

That was then...this is now! 

Now I struggle to tolerate the person in the mirror. If they didn't like me maybe I am not good enough. The snakes penetrated my armour and now there is nothing left to protect me. The Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board had (and has) a lot of snakes in their midst. From the King Cobras to the Boa Constrictors to the Rattlers waiting in the wings to strike. 

But there are snakes outside of their fortress. How can I be safe from them? Because there is only one thing I know for sure and that is that I can't take this pain anymore. 

Brain Damage/Eclipse - Pink Floyd

And then I saw a documentary called The Psychopath Next Door on CBC's the Doc Zone. It was a true Eureka moment. Egocentric. Lacking remorse, guilt and empathy. Deceitful. Glib. Shallow. Smooth. Fake. The Bitch In Heels (BIH) was all of these things and more. According to the bosses quiz I took...people (and I) should have been very afraid. She was unable to achieve a higher score. Finally she was a real success at something - pardon my sarcasm. 

But to be fair she was not the only Psycho who worked for the School Board. I would go as far as to say, that it would not surprise me to learn that the DPCDSB uses the Hare Checklist to hire staff. For many of the staff I encountered displayed the traits listed therein. 

According to the authors of Snakes in Suits, corporate psychopaths rate high in communication skills, charisma, appearance but low in performance and productivity. The BIH had the minions doing her work when she was nearing the deadlines and couldn't possible complete her tasks. Who spent more time working in that office than doing her own job. Anyone with at least one good eye and 2 brain cells know that it was a colleague of mine and not the BIH. Then consider the two from the board office who sat, scribbling furiously the details and names I provided while muttering "Oh, dear!" repeatedly. They played their role but they did nothing. They dropped the ball on their responsibilities and their promises to action. Then there was the principal who couldn't find my work performance lacking so she ensured that the student I was responsible for failed. Fabricated discipline and grades that were pulled from her warped imagination. These were/are off-the-charts parasitic predators. I was their prey.

Why me? Well, I am an emotional and empathetic person. It is what made me successful in my career and at the same time a target. I was vulnerable and weak both emotionally and in the fact that I did not have a support system in the form of family or spouse. Top that with the fact that I was confidant in my ability and self and that made me dangerous and susceptible. A psychopath looks for the emotionally vulnerable to exploit them. 

A lure is thrown out to a potential victim. The bait is to assess the empathy that is returned. If the person takes the bait, they become a target. The predators tend to be very adept at detecting fear and emotional vulnerability despite being devoid of those same emotions themselves. They latch on to their victim and suck everything out of it that they can while they step on the corpse to climb the ladder. If not in actual promotions, they take credit for others ideas and blames others for their own failures. 

What is it about me? Nothing that I intend to change. I know that I have the fear and it was only my downfall because I found a community of psycho-predators. These immoral beings are masters at seeing clues in my environment that betray my fear. As open and confident as I may appear, I am actually social phobic. People/the public frightens me. I struggled every September to enter an environment of new faces of staff and students. But I conquered and even mastered the fear for every week, I encountered new and different piano students as well. You tolerate the trepidation because you have to. I had to suck it up or be unable to provide for my children. It wasn't an option. It had to be done. 

Explain how if I was so deficit, if I was such an angry person, if I was so mentally unbalanced - how is it that I would have one or two successful years of employment followed by a year of hell on earth. I was still me. The only thing that changed was my colleagues. At some point even the most dense of us would wonder if it was maybe them? Hmmm

This is a simplified version of the Psychopath Test you can take for yourself. I scored 10. I am not a Psychopath! 

It took me longer to break because I am stubborn and a fighter and stupid...I kept going back for more. But those days are done. I am broken.  

I have always had fear. Now I am scared. Ney...terrified.

credit 
Without Conscious. Dr. Robert Hare
http://www.hare.org/
Psychopathfree
https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php
Songs about Psychopaths
https://www.psychopathfree.com/showthread.php?1453-Songs-About-Psychopaths
Psychopath Boss Quiz
http://www.fastcompany.com/53265/quiz-your-boss-psychopath
Psychopath Test 
http://vistriai.com/psychopathtest/
Snakes in Suits by Paul Babiak, Ph.D. and Robert D. Hare, Ph.D.
http://www.snakesinsuits.com/

Looking in the Face of a Lobster

Lucknow - Greg Keelor

"Many are the roads that are offered
Many are the times that I will stray
Still for all the directions that I've travelled
It is here that my heart will remain"

It's been a long time since I have had the ability to sit and write a few words here. There was a very big change in my life that I had to deal with and in a very brief nutshell that transition was beyond a nightmare that taxed every fiber of my being. Someday I will have the strength to write about that but today isn't that day. 

I have been on a 2 1/2 year quest to find myself and try and return to that person I was before the DPCDSB broke me. I have been searching for so long that it has become a pattern for my whole life. Particularly in this transitional phase with nothing being where it once was. Survival dictated that I had to sell a lot of my personal belonging to pay bills and fight to keep my family home. As time passed and there was no change in my financial status, I began to pack up what was left in preparation for the day when I would be tossed to the street or be forced to give up at least part of my house to strangers. By this time I have no idea where most of my stuff is - sold, packed in a box, in another part of the house. My mind being as weak as it was at that time, I couldn't keep up with the changes. Soon, it didn't matter what it was I usually had to spend some time looking for it. I feared putting my phone on silent because many times I had to phone it to find it. I hid car and house keys outside as a back up. I've always been a "piler" - a pile of papers here, a pile over there - and I write on whatever I can put my hands on and put it in a pile. But when I sold a piece of furniture that held my piles I was screwed! Anyone who practices the fine art of "piles" (and I know I am not alone) knows that to amalgamate piles is a akin to a scrambling eggs. You can never find the yolk again. I am learning to hard boil some eggs to preserve them. Easier to find too unless my mom hid them for the annual Easter Egg hunt. That woman had a worse memory than I. Heredity?  

I put my faith and trust in someone I thought was reputable, but they weren't. Now what I held near and dear to my heart was trashed and unceremoniously dumped on me and some was dumped somewhere that they won't tell me. So I still spend a lot of my time looking for things. Sometimes to be found - sometimes to be mourned. I had to catalogue loss and damage and that was difficult to do through the tears brought on by lamenting loss, damage and the pain of kicking myself for allowing myself to become so vulnerable. It was one step forward and 10 back. In the frustration and exasperation at the thought of yet another fight for survival was too much some days. It was a violation of not only property but a personal one too. 


But there is renewal occurring that I have orchestrated myself. And the music lifts my soul and my heart. Despite multiple family tragedies that have been a direct result of the automobile, I find a weight is lifted off my shoulders when I drive. Like a dog sticking his head out the window and feeling the wind blow through his fur the long paved road clears the cobwebs from my mind, with each new bend in the road comes a new vista and for me a different outlook. Concentrating on the road instead of the problem allows a thought process to happen that wouldn't occur other wise. When left to wander we usually find the right path for us, unencumbered by what society dictates or expects of us. And so, to that end I bucked the system and conventional wisdom. I picked up the pieces of my life and took it down the road to a place where I thought I could find peace. So far so good (expect for that month of transition).

Canada is a wonderfully beautiful diverse country. I admit that (for now at least) my experience lies within the eastern half - the part that Terry Fox himself became very familiar with during his Marathon of Hope. This past August I took the same journey in reverse on my Marathon. In no way to minimize the feat of Terry Fox, I didn't run but it did take a lot of my courage on my part regardless. I began my journey in Thunder Bay. Being born there, growing up there until high school graduation - when I left at the age of 21, I left my family buried there never to be seen again. This visit was final farewell to that place. Never is a long time and I suppose that at some point I may return but I have certainly made it more difficult for that to happen. I will always miss having the opportunity to be with 5 minutes of seeing the Sleeping Giant. What is it about that hunk of rock that yanks me back? It's not like the image of Jesus in a piece of toast that you have to stare at to see...There is a man laying in the water - you can't miss it. The legend of Nanabijou from the Native American stories is fascinating and one I've heard so often that it seems real to me. There's no mistaking the reality of the majestic man sleeping peacefully for all eternity protecting not just the bay but the people who live in Thunder Bay. In the hardest and most trying times of my life when I felt the most despair I got myself to Hillcrest Park where I could sit on the small stone wall, or on the grass in front of it hidden from view and "just be me". The giant man didn't judge but his presence spoke volumes to me and his ears heard my unspoken words and the breeze from the great Superior lake dried my tears. Many times as he showed me the sun's coming and going and I saw hope. I watched the ships slide into port to be filled with the prairie wheat, I longed to board and head off to places unknown away from my pain. But I had seen the workings of a grain elevator and knew the story of the Edmund Fitzgerald that fought and lost the battle of Lake Superior. But from my safe vantage point the water and the waves brought peace. It was my open road before I could drive and take myself away.

Thunder Bay's Sleeping Giant and a lake freighter as seen from Hillcrest Park August 2013

Having said goodbye to my childhood, it was time to say "See ya" to my adulthood. My days as a active parent were ending, but that was okay. I had done my job and I had done it well if I do say so - they weren't babies anymore but fine young adults. She graduated from post-secondary school and spread her wings to embrace her life with the man of her dreams. He graduated from post-secondary school and had left the nest to conquer the world. I would always be there for them but I didn't need to be in their shadow or on their doorstep. I left with their blessing and understanding. It's all I needed. There were other people in my life that were hard to leave behind and they know who they are. If they don't know..they weren't. Looking back now, I don't think that the GTA was ever my home - just a place I hung around from time to time. Some great people, music, shopping and attractions but it certainly became a toxic place for me in the past few years. The people I knew are easy to see and connect with - I miss the ability to see Blue Rodeo as frequently as I had been. Unknowingly, they were a big support for me. But I have my ticket 3 months in advance for their upcoming tour stop in Halifax! :) 

Hasn't Hit Me Yet - Blue Rodeo

"You say that you're leaving Well, that comes as no surprise

Still I kinda like this feelin' Of being left behind

This ain't nothing new to me Well, it's just like goin' home

It's kinda like those sunsets That leave you feelin' so stoned"

I didn't yet get as far as Saint John's, Newfoundland where Terry Fox started his Marathon of Hope but I am within striking distance and I am drawing from his legacy of hope. Even as I was being beaten down in the first month - I could avert my gaze and look to the city and the sea and know that there were good people on the earth and not everyone was going to hurt me. It's different here. That village that came together for the child - that concept didn't need to be taught here. Everyone takes care of each other - regardless of age. I don't think a safer place exists for a pedestrian or cyclist. The homeless, the beggars, the down on their luck - they are respected (even if they aren't paid). People on the phone call you dear or sweetie - they like you and don't even know you. I have walked the streets alone and am never shunned. I feel safe - and I haven't felt that way in many years. This is a city where my guardian angels live where my soul has always belonged. I am home.

There are certain traits in my personality and way of coping that I have come to realize are a direct result of the experiences I had as a child. I suppose that is true for all of us, but I never recognized it or put the pieces of the puzzle together before. There was no need to connect the dots. Not wanting any more hurt or pain, I can write people off and never give them another thought. At the same time they can knock on the door of my heart and I'll let them in again - sometimes to hurt be hurt again. I'm a fool that way. Once bitten twice shy does not apply to me. Life is short and that is driven home when you watch your family die way before their time. You have to make the best of the time you have - so to that end. If I don't like it or I'm not happy, it's up to me to change it. You can't wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow may not be. So with a little of the nomadic spirit that our ancestors had when they moved blindly to another country - I pick up and leave what I know relatively easily and have done it a handful of times. Always within Canada - sometimes 100 miles away, sometimes 1000 miles. Sometimes there is a logical reason, sometimes I follow my heart (and I don't mean love). I've been told it's all very selfish on my part. One of my most drastic moves, I left the only family I knew (including my brother) to move halfway across the country. That time, I used the under-lying excuse of going to school as a reason, but what I never shared with anyone was that there were schools I could have gone to in my neighbourhood but I didn't want to. This last shake up, was probably the most selfish - for this time I left the family I made behind. My children. But staying there was making me into someone I wasn't and it was someone I didn't like and someone my kids didn't know. As much as it hurt for me to cry all the time, it hurt me more to avoid my children so they wouldn't witness it. 

That was then, now I begin anew and try to rebuild and heal. I want the pain to be behind me. I just want to be free. So, if you ever find yourself looking in the face of a fresh caught lobster - look me up, I'm around the corner. Free at last...

"Don't live with lies for they will catch up with you

Don't live with regrets for they will make you sad

Don't live in the past for the past you cannot change - nor should it be forgotten."

Life wavers uncertainly like a broken spider web blowing in the breeze. GLC Inc

credit where credit is due:

http://www.thunderbay.ca/Visiting/Beyond_The_City_Lights/About_Thunder_Bay_and_Region/local_legends/sleeping_giant.htm
http://www.terryfox.org/

When life is a fight, It's a war we will lose

Wake Me When September Ends - Green Day

I don't like to write when I am in a very dark place because it is there for me to recall over and over again. To relive the feeling of pain. And that person in such excruciating pain that can't stop the flow of tears like a hurricane-fuelled rainstorm is not me. I am the happy one, the one who was always smiling. "WAS" and hope to be again.

Any regular reader of this blog will know from previous posts that I have been suffering from a depressive disorder for the past 2 1/2 years. The emotional breaking point was not the loss of my entire family before I was 23 years old. No, I was able to cope with the loss of both parents, 2 sisters and 1 brother because in part it wasn't a personal attack - a fact of life and a circumstances that I was forced to adjust to whether I liked it or not. I didn't like it, but I persisted and survived and dare I say...I even thrived. My downfall was something much more insidious - it was the constant and unrelenting character assassination that went on for years while I struggled to provide a safe and stable life for my two young children as a single parent. It wasn't my work performance it was me. I didn't say hello when I passed a particular person in a hall filled with hundreds of others. I didn't share my life with everybody at work. In fact I devoted my life to my children and the time I could spend with them and of course my attempts to provide for them financially and emotionally. Bottom line is that I was bullied at work by my supervisors and colleagues when I worked in the Catholic School system that was putting forth a face to the media that claimed to be against bullying. But in the classroom, I saw the teachers bully the students. In the halls, I saw teachers discriminate against students by race and sex and athletic ability. In the office, I was the danger because I saw and I documented. I had to be stopped. I wasn't on their side so I was the enemy. As a side note to any parent reading who has a child in the school system, do not assume that the teachers or administration will protect your child. I am here to tell you, that it is my experience that a vast majority of them are shining examples of how to bully those they percieve to be less then them. My mother was a teacher, some of the people I respect the most in my life are teachers. There are good and bad....be careful and be vigilant. 

SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT

In an attempt to heal, I made some drastic changes in my life. I didn't know what else to do and what I had been doing was not working. I still think that the overall decision was sound and will in the long-term be a healthy decision for me. But what has happened since making that decision is enough to make me want to jump off the 18th floor balcony. I'm not going to get into all the details, because right now it is far to painful and I am trying to stay away from the edge. 

18th Floor Balcony - Blue October

This story is far from over and I hope that I am around to see it's conclusion but the best I can do now is hope that God or my Guardian Angels hold my hand when it's time for me to fly.......

"To See or not to See" THAT is the real question! part 1

Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne

I just want us to do all that we can to be peaceful and caring. 


Shakespeare got it wrong "To See or Not to See" THAT is the real question! It seems to me that people in general are becoming blind to what is going on around them. Tunnel vision perhaps is a good label for it. While Bullying has become the hot topic for politicians and the media to jump on, incidents of bullying are becoming worse and more prevalent. Part of this is a perception brought about by increased media attention. People are becoming more aware of what it is and how to identify it, and that is a good thing. It is far more than the School yard bully wanting your lunch money. It is the boss who consistently and constantly belittles your character because they can and your job performance doesn't warrant reprimand. It is the driver who uses their vehicle as a tool to control your behaviour. It is the corporation that would rather you made decisions based on their own belief of inferiority of another - like belonging to the right crowd in high school by having the "right name on their clothes and material goods". It is the media that tells us what movies are good and that everything else isn't worthy. It is everyone who attempts to elevate their standing by climbing over another that they have knocked down. 

So now that we have decided that bullying is much more than child's play, we can see that it is all around us and it indeed has gotten worse and we are becoming less sensitized to it and more accepting of it. Consider the following scenarios and decide for yourself if you see the bully.

1. Courtesy Driving. You are driving down the road and behold the road ahead is going down from two lanes to one. Many people who drive this route on a regular basis, all merge well ahead of time in anticipation. So you are left with one backed up lane of traffic and one perfectly usable lane that might ease some traffic congestion but is empty - and some intelligent drivers see this and drive in that soon to end lane.  Nothing wrong with it, in fact it would be the legal and proper thing to do. However, some people including at least one I know and have driven with, take it as a personal affront that someone is trying to get ahead of them when their lane is ending in 500 meters/1 kilometre? And this person gets angry, livid and stressed out. It's kind of funny to me, but there are times when bulling comes into this picture too. As you are driving past the drivers who chose to stop, they glare at you menacingly or worse, use their vehicle to straddle two lanes. In essence, using their vehicle as a weapon, to control your behaviour because THEY don't like it. Bullying? You need to step back people and ask yourself, is it really that terrible that I have chosen the wrong lane and someone has gotten in front of me. Like the grocery/department store, we pick a lane and then watch the one we debated move quicker. Do we start pushing people with our shopping cart because they chose differently? This form of road rage become acceptable modern day bullying even though it is not viewed as such. In fact there is a facebook group dedicated to the belittling of people who in are obeying the laws of the road. They are celebrating their inappropriate behaviour. 




2. Commercials on TV and TV programming. I don't watch a lot of programs so I won't speak to those but there are some commercials that make me crazy. There was a time when companies would compare each other by name during their advertisements. Then that comparison was outlawed and consumers were allowed to absorb information and make up their own minds. But we've reverted back, maybe not in specifically naming competitors but very blatantly bashing the rival. There are many very successful marketing ploys that take the moral high road and I applaud them and financially support them. On the other side, there are companies like Charmin that openly compares itself to the "bird brand." And yet not too effective since one quick search on the internet proves that there are a lot of people who don't even know what the bird brand is. Not the bird brand, but Bounty very effectively proves their prowess and effectiveness with over-sized "sponge people" running around absorbing liquids. Love the slurping noise when it's cleaning the dogs dirty paw prints! :) I get that this paper towel will do the job. 




But if there was an award for the most annoying commercials ever, it would be for me Rogers. Rogers is a company that started off a century ago with one small radio station in Toronto and has grown since the 1960's into a corporation to be reckoned with in the global communications market. They have interests in radio, television stations, wireless and home phone, cable companies, publishing, internet providing, home alarm systems and sports  (sorry, it's still the SkyDome to me!) That alone tells you that you are bound to see a multitude of commercials for Rogers Telecommunications. So much so, that I would wager that if you are watching a Rogers TV station, you will see at least one Rogers commercial on every break! And that wouldn't be so bad except for the content of most of them. Stealing an old concept from Polaroid that used James Garner and Mariette Hartley posing as a married couple for a run of very successful ad campaigns, Rogers has done the same. The difference being that Rogers varies from commercials that tout the benefits of the product to the detriment of its rivals, to those that either belittle the "wife" or ones that bash the "husband". The latest, has the wife showing off a tablet as a remote control, then makes fun of her husbands choices of favourite shows in front of an unknown couple. He is clearly uncomfortable and she is oblivious. I can't support this malicious form of advertising. Just this past week, I put call in to a cable company that came to my door and told me that the choices I had made were the wrong ones because their employer was superior and I was wasting my money. I phoned the complaints department to thank them for questioning my intelligence level. They shouldn't be knocking on my door any time soon.

3. Politics and politicians. I have a very hard time during the campaigning process trying to ascertain the best candidate for my community, provincial or federal needs. I have some political party preferences but I like to also keep an open mind. It is increasingly difficult to do this when most advertisements on print and TV are nothing more than attack ads. There was barely a peep in the news about the recent elections for Liberal party leader here in Canada. But it was tough to escape notice when the Conservative Party came out within hours on the decision being announced with ads attacking the newly elected leader Justin Trudeau. What was the purpose of that besides the misguided attempt to elevate their standing by stepping on Mr Trudeau. It's not even election time between the parties. So degrade him and his choices for sport? I wonder if they had similar attack ads at the ready with the names of all the other candidates? By supporting this tactic by the Conservative party we are saying that it is okay. But it's not. There is no need to put down others to elevate our own standing. We should be able to stand on our own merits. Unless perhaps we don't have any worthy of mentioning. Conservative or Liberal leaning, I shout "Shame on you, Conservative Party of Canada." 

I am enclosing this video not because I endorse it in any way but I think you should be free to make up your own mind. I would encourage you to go to YouTube and like or dislike the ad and make your views known in any way you see fit. Average Canadian citizen Chris Gougeon is making his own stand protesting these ads...people are talking about it. I'm not alone is my displeasure. 

4. Celebrity Status. Just recently an entertainment magazine released a list of the top hated celebrities. A lot of feather were ruffled upon learning that Gwyneth Paltrow was on top of the list. One report I heard was that she was selected as most hated because she was so perfect. There is some logic that escapes me! How can I hate her, she has done nothing to me to warrant such a strong negative emotion. I understand that celebrities put themselves out there and open themselves up to criticism and yes some even seek out publicity (either positive or negative) to keep themselves in the public eye. I have no problem forming an opinion regarding the performance of a specific star. But it is not the person who should be trashed but rather their actions. Justin Bieber, for example, has made some very poor behavioural choices of late and I personally am not a fan of the nature of pictures that he posts to Twitter or other social media sites, but he himself is not an inherently bad person. He is the same talent that he was when he was adored by the media a few short months ago. His entourage of paid promoters should perhaps be a little more vigilant in their guidance and protection (even if from himself and his own immaturity).

These put downs go for other musicians and celebrities as well. I am tired of people openly hating on Nickelback. You don't have to be a fan or even like their music but can't you just not listen without putting them down or me if my views and tastes in music are different then yours. I am not a fan of Prince (or whatever name he is going by these days) but I will not discount his musical ability/showmanship/or self-promotional abilities. I don't like his music, I don't want to listen to it, or financially support it, I don't have to. I can however change the station. I don't have to bash him to every person I encounter. I do not need to tell you that your musical tastes are less than mine because we have different opinions. 

5. A little Good News. One word...Dove! It isn't only because it is a campaign that is trying to smash all the ill-conceived projections of mass media about what women should look like but because it is doing it without trashing the competition. I think that the "You are more beautiful than you think" campaign is one to be applauded. But let's not be naive, Dove is owned by the Unilever Corporation who freely uses sex and the "perfect" female form to sell its other products like Axe body spray. Baby steps I guess are better than going backwards or standing still.


A Final Thought.
I think society as a whole needs to learn that you do not elevate yourself by belittling others. Self-love and self-esteem is a good practice and necessary. Yes, even in politics and business there is a need to try and elevate yourself above the competition to gain profits or supports but it can be done in the marketplace and in the workplace without stepping on other people. Take the moral high ground and be nice. It really doesn't take a lot of effort or financial expense but the rewards can be great. The notion of a random act of kindness is a great concept but flawed in that people tend to believe that it is an "act" and not a lifestyle. A lifestyle choice that cannot be counted in instances or specific acts. 

The goodness that we all appreciate and embrace when a tragedy befalls members of our race needs to be appreciated and recognized on a daily basis. Not just because they were innocent bystanders that were hurt or emergency service personal who gave their all nor even someone who was diagnosed with a medical ailment. But everyone we encounter in our daily lives each and every day.  

The true humanitarian 

- will hold the door open for the person behind them, 
- will donate to the food bank even when it isn't a food drive, 
- will say thank you to the person who is serving them (even thought it is their job to serve), 
- will allow another motorist to pass without taking it as a personal attack,
- will consider their consumer habits based on the behaviour in their advertisements,
- will make it known that negative promotion is not acceptable,
- will make up their own minds to the goodness of others without belittling the choice of another
- will lead by example and practice what they preach.

I am not perfect, but I do try and live my life in accordance with the morals and values I have held for a lifetime. But, having said that...do me wrong and I'll have no problem speaking the truth as I see it. I respected and valued my neighbours until they started damaging my property and tossing my mail. I had a great employer until I experienced their hypocrisy - preach anti-bullying and then bully your employees. Shame on Irene and Harold and shame on the DPCDSB.