The Psychopath in the Office (and In My Life)

Crippled Inside - John Lennon

I just had an appointment that was trying to determine my strength and ability to bounce back. Bounce back from being tossed to the ground and trampled upon until I was little more than a weak shell of my former self. Okay, I am paraphrasing in order to be somewhat vague quite intentionally. You see I am sick and tired of having my head and thoughts probed. People making judgements about me after knowing me for a few hours. 

But at the same time they are forgetting, forgetting that prior to (and while) suffering nearly a decade of abuse by my employer I was a fabulous and successful single parent with no financial or emotional support from family or the sperm donor (that's for you LM). Truly single and alone! My children are a living testament to my character and mental stability - so is my long list of volunteer assignments and personal accomplishments. A published columnist with no formal training, a director of senior baseball who never played the game, a talent with construction that was never taught. And I could go on but its not my style.



Up until December 2010 I was a viable and contributing member of society. Following all (or most of the rules) and doing more than my fair share of making the world a better place for all to live in. And then my world came crashing down around me. It was the beginning of my end...emotionally. 

But one thing that can never ever be taken from me is my intelligence. It is my intelligence that tells me that even though I am emotionally crushed I am worth my space on earth. My self-esteem was taken from me. My sense of self was taken from me. My career was taken from me. My home, my life and my livelihood was taken from me. 

And I found my voice. I don't sing...I write. And when I find myself before the keyboard I find the voice that is struggling to understand. And as the music plays in the background, it speaks to me. Because here alone with my thoughts, I am safe. I can be who I am inside I can be the person that I admire and love without being judged. 

Don't like what I look like - you can't see me. 

Don't like what I sound like - you can't hear me.

Don't like what I say - stop reading.

Up here and far away in my tower - you can't touch me.

Here I have control of the delete and block button. You can't hurt me.

But are all my skills transferable to a career in the outside world? Have you ever gotten so afraid that every muscle in your body tensed up and pulling your arms in to try and protect yourself you feel like one deep breath and you would snap and shatter into a million pieces. That is my fear. I fear people that I can't protect myself from. There are too many people out there that want to hurt. Those that live for the cut-throat, dog-eat-dog, instant gratification of pushing down who ever is in their way. The people like those where I was trashed like non-recyclable garbage by those who should have cared. How can ever expect to be safe when forced to be with people who are given power to control my life and determine that I am not good enough? I am not speaking about capabilities I am speaking about character and personality. Obviously I am not pretending to be a CPA or certified welder. My education focuses on educating.

I know me. I am not a fighter. I am not angry. I am non-confrontational. I am private and distant at times. At times I am confident and the life of the party. I have a wicked sense of humour and love to laugh and love. I am a great advocate for others but can't find my voice to scream when I am being hurt. I love a good debate but don't know how to deal with personal attacks. We don't have to agree but we can be respectful - well I can.

But what do you do when you walk into your bosses office to congratulate them on their new promotion and they respond by saying "You know, I never like you from the first time I met you." (which was two years previous when she wasn't your boss). What are you supposed to say to that? How are you supposed to respond? It happened to me and I ate it. I said nothing. And she spent the rest of our working relationship doing everything she possible could to destroy me. There weren't complaints about my work but fabrications that couldn't be proven or could easily be disproven if given the chance. Or they were blatant character assassinations. I didn't socialize in the staff room. I didn't say hello in the halls. They didn't like my voice. 

When I stopped going to the torture chamber that was my daily job I was all but broken. Four and a half years later and the pieces are starting to come together but it just takes a small breeze to blow the house of cards down. The glue isn't set. I'm not sure that there is a glue strong enough to heal the hurt. The hurt goes far beyond the surface where a simple patch job might have sufficed. Intervention after the first attack more than 12 years ago.  

I trusted those people who were supposed to keep me safe and now I don't know how to be safe again. It is one thing to lose a hand and be unable to do your job as a surgeon. It is quite another to lose your mind and belief in yourself and everything that was good about you and go back to any job where your very soul is in jeopardy of falling apart at any moment. The hand-less surgeon still has the knowledge that they are okay, that they are capable. Their body is broken but not their spirit. Does that make sense to anybody? Besides me? 

In 2010, I wasn't perfect. There were things I wanted to change about myself (including ridding myself of a smoking habit), but I liked myself. I could look in the mirror and like what I saw - the physical flaws were the same as they are today, but they made me who I was and that was okay by me. Then! 

That was then...this is now! 

Now I struggle to tolerate the person in the mirror. If they didn't like me maybe I am not good enough. The snakes penetrated my armour and now there is nothing left to protect me. The Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board had (and has) a lot of snakes in their midst. From the King Cobras to the Boa Constrictors to the Rattlers waiting in the wings to strike. 

But there are snakes outside of their fortress. How can I be safe from them? Because there is only one thing I know for sure and that is that I can't take this pain anymore. 

Brain Damage/Eclipse - Pink Floyd

And then I saw a documentary called The Psychopath Next Door on CBC's the Doc Zone. It was a true Eureka moment. Egocentric. Lacking remorse, guilt and empathy. Deceitful. Glib. Shallow. Smooth. Fake. The Bitch In Heels (BIH) was all of these things and more. According to the bosses quiz I took...people (and I) should have been very afraid. She was unable to achieve a higher score. Finally she was a real success at something - pardon my sarcasm. 

But to be fair she was not the only Psycho who worked for the School Board. I would go as far as to say, that it would not surprise me to learn that the DPCDSB uses the Hare Checklist to hire staff. For many of the staff I encountered displayed the traits listed therein. 

According to the authors of Snakes in Suits, corporate psychopaths rate high in communication skills, charisma, appearance but low in performance and productivity. The BIH had the minions doing her work when she was nearing the deadlines and couldn't possible complete her tasks. Who spent more time working in that office than doing her own job. Anyone with at least one good eye and 2 brain cells know that it was a colleague of mine and not the BIH. Then consider the two from the board office who sat, scribbling furiously the details and names I provided while muttering "Oh, dear!" repeatedly. They played their role but they did nothing. They dropped the ball on their responsibilities and their promises to action. Then there was the principal who couldn't find my work performance lacking so she ensured that the student I was responsible for failed. Fabricated discipline and grades that were pulled from her warped imagination. These were/are off-the-charts parasitic predators. I was their prey.

Why me? Well, I am an emotional and empathetic person. It is what made me successful in my career and at the same time a target. I was vulnerable and weak both emotionally and in the fact that I did not have a support system in the form of family or spouse. Top that with the fact that I was confidant in my ability and self and that made me dangerous and susceptible. A psychopath looks for the emotionally vulnerable to exploit them. 

A lure is thrown out to a potential victim. The bait is to assess the empathy that is returned. If the person takes the bait, they become a target. The predators tend to be very adept at detecting fear and emotional vulnerability despite being devoid of those same emotions themselves. They latch on to their victim and suck everything out of it that they can while they step on the corpse to climb the ladder. If not in actual promotions, they take credit for others ideas and blames others for their own failures. 

What is it about me? Nothing that I intend to change. I know that I have the fear and it was only my downfall because I found a community of psycho-predators. These immoral beings are masters at seeing clues in my environment that betray my fear. As open and confident as I may appear, I am actually social phobic. People/the public frightens me. I struggled every September to enter an environment of new faces of staff and students. But I conquered and even mastered the fear for every week, I encountered new and different piano students as well. You tolerate the trepidation because you have to. I had to suck it up or be unable to provide for my children. It wasn't an option. It had to be done. 

Explain how if I was so deficit, if I was such an angry person, if I was so mentally unbalanced - how is it that I would have one or two successful years of employment followed by a year of hell on earth. I was still me. The only thing that changed was my colleagues. At some point even the most dense of us would wonder if it was maybe them? Hmmm

This is a simplified version of the Psychopath Test you can take for yourself. I scored 10. I am not a Psychopath! 

It took me longer to break because I am stubborn and a fighter and stupid...I kept going back for more. But those days are done. I am broken.  

I have always had fear. Now I am scared. Ney...terrified.

credit 
Without Conscious. Dr. Robert Hare
http://www.hare.org/
Psychopathfree
https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php
Songs about Psychopaths
https://www.psychopathfree.com/showthread.php?1453-Songs-About-Psychopaths
Psychopath Boss Quiz
http://www.fastcompany.com/53265/quiz-your-boss-psychopath
Psychopath Test 
http://vistriai.com/psychopathtest/
Snakes in Suits by Paul Babiak, Ph.D. and Robert D. Hare, Ph.D.
http://www.snakesinsuits.com/

Differently-Abled and Judged by the Lower Court

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

It starts off with a whisper - the words of a song that bring me back to the reality of the moment and sends my thoughts off on a new tangent. I suppose it has always been like that for me, the difference now is that I feel compelled to write it down. And quickly before I forget where the thoughts were going. Following those thoughts as they meander are partly self-discovery and healing, partly fantasy with a bit of fun, and sometimes painful.  

Today it was this song, I wanna get better. Alright fine, it's been a topic that has been the focus of my life for nearly four years now. Four years...let me just take a moment for that to sink in. 

Four years ago, I was a full time mother to two children who were almost complete in their post-secondary academic endeavours. I had a full time job that I loved and was damn good at. I had a fairly new vehicle and was finally able to do some of the needed upgrades on my house. My debt load was low after many years of  struggles. Definitely on an upswing. 

When I took my third stress leave, I thought it would be just another break from the continued harassment I was experiencing at work. I did not know that I would still be struggling with the effects of that so many years later. I refer to it as the time I fell apart. It was a swift and nearly deadly tumble into the abyss of depression. 

There was only one thing I knew for sure and that was that for reasons unknown to me my supervisors at work hated me. I didn't know how to change who I was so I embarked on a quest to change what I looked like. Plastic surgery was out of my comfort zone and budget. So I began to diet and exercise. Carbs were out, cardio and weight training was in. Despite the effort and determination, nothing was happening. Not a pound was shed. I lost nothing except maybe a bit more of my sanity which had become very fragile.

I was so focused on the scale and its infernal readout that I didn't realize that when I was not exercising, I was sleeping or crying. And I couldn't stop doing any of it. I didn't see it as not okay. Combining all of those things with alcohol one weekend brought the fragile house of cards falling down flat. The game couldn't be played any longer. Referees in the form of psychologists, psychiatrists, nutritionists, chemical rehab and medical doctors became a mainstay in my life. And my "compassionate" employer steadfastly maintained that if I was unable to work, it was because I had suffered a traumatic event 40 years prior. It still makes my blood boil when I think of that!




While I have had a lot of support with my mental health, my physical health continued to suffer. The attitude towards me by my employer really took a toll on my self-esteem. Before the breakdown I did like myself. I could look into that mirror with a critical eye and still see mostly good. There are always things we'd like to improve or change for to truly live and be alive we must continually grow. But the growth I could no longer tolerate (and still can't) is my skin. There is more, not less and I am so afraid that it will continue, that eating is a mental struggle. The "eat/don't eat" voices in my head are too strong. And the fear of physical growth is far louder than the get healthy whisper. I am often very literally scared to eat. I continue to work very hard to try and learn what is going on and how I can fix my bodies response to food. I know that I have caused my metabolism to slow, I have been told that the way to increase it is to eat - apparently my body thinks I am starving it. lol! But I tried that for a time and at 900 calories a day, I gained.

And just when I think I might be getting better, someone makes a comment about the importance of body language and I want to scream. Why is it that our physical presence is more important than our soul? This is but a shell. Who I am lies deep within. But society keeps telling us that we can never makes a second first impression. How we present ourselves leaves a lasting image. If someone has a prejudice, it is not politically okay to express it but it doesn't mean it's necessarily gone. I was once told by a manager of a retail store that I couldn't work there because I would scare away the customers. Nobody would dare say that today, but do they still think it? 



I would like to think that we have become more tolerant of our differences but have we really? Nobody would bat an eye if they saw a pencil-thin waif coming out of McDonalds with a burger in one hand while sucking on a milkshake. Now, what if that person was so big they barely fit out the door, how many people would stare as they waddled away? And possibly even make derogatory comments - just loud enough to be within ear shot. The thing is we assume that because we see a larger size person eating junk food that that is all they eat, that they are lazy and never get off the couch. Where as reality might be quite different. Or not, but you don't know.


I met a person recently and they were concerned that when they dressed "as themselves" that I wouldn't accept them. To be fair, there are dress codes at certain places and I don't think it's my place to be disrespectful of someone else's wishes, but such was not the case here. The attire was more than acceptable at the venue in question. I just didn't happen to share their choice of wardrobe. It's never occurred to me to judge their style. Under the physical decoration, they were the same person I had met and known prior to this meeting. But they were correct in their belief that others are not so tolerant and look upon the accoutrements with disdain and negative judgement. If they took the time to look beyond they would see a kind soul, with a warm heart and friendly smile who is also a great parent and wonderful friend.

We have no right to judge unless we can sit back as we too are judged. Love that lives in the heart isn't always visible on the outside. Perhaps I have a greater understanding and compassion regarding this subject because I have been there. I have lived it. I once went on a family road trip and when I came back I was (I thought) the same person, albeit sadder - but I looked like someone else. And some had no problem letting me know what they thought. Truth is, the face in the mirror wasn't mine and the body had changed - it was forever marked by life's scars. Even the sound coming from my mouth was different. Some people didn't even recognize me on the phone. But my soul was the same. It's me! To some I became and stayed a stranger from then on. Not good enough anymore.

So stop please! Before you chastise someone and judge them as unworthy based on their appearance...stop and ask yourself if maybe there is a real worthy person under the physical form. The person staggering down the road as if drunk may be re-learning how to walk. The person hugging themselves may be lonely and afraid, not angry. The person who can't speak, is not stupid. The person you think is disabled is just differently-abled. I have always believed that we are all disabled in some way. Some of us share it for the world to see, others can keep it hidden from view. Science is one of my weaknesses, the word received is another. I don't think I have ever spelled that word correctly! 

The person who can't see is not always the blind person. 

Today a video was shared by a friend on Facebook and I am going to share it with you here. It is in French but language is unimportant. I had started writing this missive yesterday and when I watched this video I was saddened to my very core. How can we be so self-absorbed that we don't care about each other? Where did we go so wrong? How can we sit in church on Sunday, praise our boss on Monday, volunteer with our community on Tuesday, spend time with our family on Wednesday, give to charity on Thursday, pray for a safe weekend on Friday and step on our neighbours on Saturday. 

The Importance of Appearances Experiment - NorniTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDN-uZ_0I70

Regardless of how this man is dressed, he is in need and yet people walk past him and don't even see him or worse - notice and choose not to care. BECAUSE OF WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!

My link to the video may not work on this page, so here is a link on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDN-uZ_0I70
(SPOILER ALERT)
If that still doesn't work. I will tell you that a man in an overcoat, hat and jeans, collapses on a busy sidewalk and lies there repeating "help me" as people walk by mindless. Some stop to look. They see and hear him but don't notice him and his pleas. When the same man falls wearing a suit and a tie, his head isn't even on the pavement when he has commandered the attention of a gathering of concerned passersby who stop to help and have no fear touching him, talking to him, helping him. It's the same man! 

So tell me, how am I ever supposed to like myself and accept myself if I can't change my appearance? How will I ever be safe from the people who want to step on me and discard me like trash? Was I living in a fantasy world I created on my own until I was forced to face the truth. I am not good enough? I don't want to believe it but every day, the beauty magazines and the role models I am shown on tv tell me it's true. 

A Cry Only She Heard

Surround - In-Flight Safety

You surround yourself with people who make you happy and the places where you will find peace. But then you turn around and those people are gone. 

Maybe they walked, maybe they ran, maybe they were buried. But they are gone...they weren't meant to stay.

So how much should you fight to keep someone who doesn't want to be? It's a question I have struggled with. 

This is not a commentary on suicide because people who contemplate taking their own life really are only trying to stop pain in the only way they believe will work. People who don't feel alone (in the world or in their mind) in my opinion don't consider the end as the best route to happiness. People who feel supported aren't afraid to lean.

This is also not a discussion on the right to a dignified death when the time comes, at whatever age we are when that door is the only one open. There are no concrete answers to this dilemma for me. I always thought I would not want to be kept artificially alive, then I heard about Robyn Benson who was 22 weeks pregnant when she suffered a brain hemorrhage that left her brain dead. She was kept on life support to give her baby a fighting chance at life. Baby Iver was welcomed into the world as his mother was allowed to go. As a mother, I would not object to a machine-assisted existence to save the life of my child. Or to save my organs for transplant purposes.

So that's not what this is about...so what is the point of these ramblings today. Relationships is the pat answer. In most relationships you see what you want to see and feel what you want to feel. Maybe it's an addiction problem, maybe it's an indiscretion or a little white lie - but so often we grow into a comfort zone with another person and we don't want to upset the cart. So we pretend that what is happening is not real or it will go away. I'm not just talking about marital relationships but friends and colleagues as well. 

When we put ourselves into the vulnerable position of a relationship, we are opening ourselves up for pain. We trust that the other will not hurt us, but sometimes it is a trust misplaced and we are battered.  

I think it can be beneficial to look back on a failed relationship to seek ways to improve the odds of success for next time, or to give our self-esteems a boost by understanding that it wasn't all us. Self-doubt and criticism rules and tramples our fragile egos when a relationship fails. I would like to think that, but I can't always practice what I preach. Some relationships (work) I am simply not strong enough to want to remember. Yet - maybe never. 

One thing I know for sure is that all my relationships fail for one main reason. Me! I am the reason that they will not continue. I am the one who made the decision to end it. But sometimes, it is more of a hiatus than a permanent dismissal. There always seems to come a point where I realize how one-sided my relationships are and put an end to them. The grand optimist often surfaces and is quick to give an adversary a second (third, fourth etc) chance. This isn't looking through the mirror of the past with rose-coloured glasses, but reading the words written in the truth of anonymity. 

I have learned this about myself in recent months. Not through some intensive therapy laying on a couch or even hours spent in mindful introspection. But literally reading the words I myself wrote. Years of diaries that chronicle the day to day thoughts and occurrences of past life lived.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. All there. Intimate details about personal experiences, youthful foibles and questionable decisions made. Reactions to others and their thoughts spoken about me. From the age of 8 years. The innocence of a child, the angry teenager and the insecure young adult. With no one left to talk to or listen without judgement I wrote/talked to myself. The problem was I didn't listen. I had no advice to give for I had no frame of reference for love and respect.

Over and over again I was taken advantage of. And I knew it was happening for I wrote about how I felt when it happened yet - I allowed it to continue over and over again. One-sided relationships. In love and in friends and even colleagues. I never spoke up. 

Ah, to look to the past as a predictor of future behaviour. I wish I was that smart to have done that. But I did not have that foresight. The written word now tells me that I was smart, but the people in my life convinced me that I was a fool who was undeserving of respect.

Looking back now, I feel sorry for that girl who had so much hope that things would get better that she was broken by the half-filled glass regularly. And more times than even I remembered she used that broken glass to try to stop the pain and cry for help. A cry that only she heard. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flash forward a quarter of a century and nothing has changed. Six months have passed and we said WE would call often. They haven't called yet. I did. Then my eyes saw the one-sided relationship and I stopped. It hurt but no one heard me cry. 

It was written that in a drunken stupor you hurt me and I said nothing. I allowed it to continue. In a drunken stupor the tables were turned and I was blamed and hurt again. I wish I could tell you the whole truth and you would hear. But you don't want to hear what I have to say. I keep my pain hidden. 

I asked for help and I was forgotten. I just wanted to bring some closure to a painful incident. Just look and see if you can find anything. Do it for me, because I admit that I am too weak. I wait and then I stop asking. I may be important in your life but my usefullness is past expiration. I see that but I don't want it to be.

But the pain that hurts the most is the one I expected to never hurt me. I asked for very little because I knew that there was nothing to be offered. I just wanted the simple acknowledgement of being. How long does it take to say "Hi!"? How hard is it to type or text "Hey"? One-sided, I see that. I gave you what you needed but my wants were trampled on. You knew how much being lied to upset me but you wanted me to believe that you just weren't around. I know it's not the truth but I never confront you with the proof. I remain stupid and in pain. And as much as I know deep down that I am worth it, I am afraid. Afraid to let you know that I am worth it. Afraid to really believe it myself. Afraid of free-fall.  

Re-reading these journal entries is like watching my life pass before my eyes in high definition slow-motion. Clarity that comes from looking with the years of disconnection to the past. There are certain truths about me that I have come to accept. I fail at relationships because no one ever took the time to help me understand that my role in them is not to be a doormat. Nobody ever took the time to tell me that I was worth being respected. Nobody taught me to have a voice. Nobody every told me that I was worth it. 

These are things that parents teach their children. My parents didn't fail, they were taken from me. My subsequent guardian didn't believe I was worth it...so neither did I. 

I am trying to teach myself that I am a good person and that it is okay to tell people that I am to be respected. But years of rejection and self-doubt are hard to erase without the support of someone in your corner. 

I am in the corner trying to find my voice. And no one is there to hear me cry.

PS. I now understand my aversion to the telephone. I was told too often that no one wanted to hear from me. On the off chance I have taken the plunge to call, I often found rejection. I don't call for help without anguish. I learned to do it all without help. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Valentines Day upon us tomorrow, I plead with you to put some thought into a truly heartfelt show of your love. Do not wait until the last minute and then go to the only store open 11:30pm on Valentines and buy barrettes for someone who never wears them (yeah it happened). If you are going to do breakfast in bed for your significant other make sure you don't confuse how they take their coffee with someone else of importance in your life. Having a frank discussion on expectations can alleviate some of these problems and isn't a terrible idea. Keep it light though since I heard one poll that found 22% of respondents had been dumped on Valentines Day. Ouch!

And for God sakes, if you are alone, don't impulsively change your entire life with the adoption of a pet that you aren't ready for. If your life is too screwed up, maybe a pet doesn't belong in it right now. Don't allow the commercialism of what is really just another day, to impact the welfare of an innocent animal. However...if on February 21 you still want to add a furry or feathered friend to your family...ADOPT! :)

credit where credit is due:

http://www.theprovince.com/health/Baby+Iver+good+survival+chances+pregnant+braindead+Victoria+woman/9469545/story.html

"To See or not to See" THAT is the real question! part 1

Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne

I just want us to do all that we can to be peaceful and caring. 


Shakespeare got it wrong "To See or Not to See" THAT is the real question! It seems to me that people in general are becoming blind to what is going on around them. Tunnel vision perhaps is a good label for it. While Bullying has become the hot topic for politicians and the media to jump on, incidents of bullying are becoming worse and more prevalent. Part of this is a perception brought about by increased media attention. People are becoming more aware of what it is and how to identify it, and that is a good thing. It is far more than the School yard bully wanting your lunch money. It is the boss who consistently and constantly belittles your character because they can and your job performance doesn't warrant reprimand. It is the driver who uses their vehicle as a tool to control your behaviour. It is the corporation that would rather you made decisions based on their own belief of inferiority of another - like belonging to the right crowd in high school by having the "right name on their clothes and material goods". It is the media that tells us what movies are good and that everything else isn't worthy. It is everyone who attempts to elevate their standing by climbing over another that they have knocked down. 

So now that we have decided that bullying is much more than child's play, we can see that it is all around us and it indeed has gotten worse and we are becoming less sensitized to it and more accepting of it. Consider the following scenarios and decide for yourself if you see the bully.

1. Courtesy Driving. You are driving down the road and behold the road ahead is going down from two lanes to one. Many people who drive this route on a regular basis, all merge well ahead of time in anticipation. So you are left with one backed up lane of traffic and one perfectly usable lane that might ease some traffic congestion but is empty - and some intelligent drivers see this and drive in that soon to end lane.  Nothing wrong with it, in fact it would be the legal and proper thing to do. However, some people including at least one I know and have driven with, take it as a personal affront that someone is trying to get ahead of them when their lane is ending in 500 meters/1 kilometre? And this person gets angry, livid and stressed out. It's kind of funny to me, but there are times when bulling comes into this picture too. As you are driving past the drivers who chose to stop, they glare at you menacingly or worse, use their vehicle to straddle two lanes. In essence, using their vehicle as a weapon, to control your behaviour because THEY don't like it. Bullying? You need to step back people and ask yourself, is it really that terrible that I have chosen the wrong lane and someone has gotten in front of me. Like the grocery/department store, we pick a lane and then watch the one we debated move quicker. Do we start pushing people with our shopping cart because they chose differently? This form of road rage become acceptable modern day bullying even though it is not viewed as such. In fact there is a facebook group dedicated to the belittling of people who in are obeying the laws of the road. They are celebrating their inappropriate behaviour. 




2. Commercials on TV and TV programming. I don't watch a lot of programs so I won't speak to those but there are some commercials that make me crazy. There was a time when companies would compare each other by name during their advertisements. Then that comparison was outlawed and consumers were allowed to absorb information and make up their own minds. But we've reverted back, maybe not in specifically naming competitors but very blatantly bashing the rival. There are many very successful marketing ploys that take the moral high road and I applaud them and financially support them. On the other side, there are companies like Charmin that openly compares itself to the "bird brand." And yet not too effective since one quick search on the internet proves that there are a lot of people who don't even know what the bird brand is. Not the bird brand, but Bounty very effectively proves their prowess and effectiveness with over-sized "sponge people" running around absorbing liquids. Love the slurping noise when it's cleaning the dogs dirty paw prints! :) I get that this paper towel will do the job. 




But if there was an award for the most annoying commercials ever, it would be for me Rogers. Rogers is a company that started off a century ago with one small radio station in Toronto and has grown since the 1960's into a corporation to be reckoned with in the global communications market. They have interests in radio, television stations, wireless and home phone, cable companies, publishing, internet providing, home alarm systems and sports  (sorry, it's still the SkyDome to me!) That alone tells you that you are bound to see a multitude of commercials for Rogers Telecommunications. So much so, that I would wager that if you are watching a Rogers TV station, you will see at least one Rogers commercial on every break! And that wouldn't be so bad except for the content of most of them. Stealing an old concept from Polaroid that used James Garner and Mariette Hartley posing as a married couple for a run of very successful ad campaigns, Rogers has done the same. The difference being that Rogers varies from commercials that tout the benefits of the product to the detriment of its rivals, to those that either belittle the "wife" or ones that bash the "husband". The latest, has the wife showing off a tablet as a remote control, then makes fun of her husbands choices of favourite shows in front of an unknown couple. He is clearly uncomfortable and she is oblivious. I can't support this malicious form of advertising. Just this past week, I put call in to a cable company that came to my door and told me that the choices I had made were the wrong ones because their employer was superior and I was wasting my money. I phoned the complaints department to thank them for questioning my intelligence level. They shouldn't be knocking on my door any time soon.

3. Politics and politicians. I have a very hard time during the campaigning process trying to ascertain the best candidate for my community, provincial or federal needs. I have some political party preferences but I like to also keep an open mind. It is increasingly difficult to do this when most advertisements on print and TV are nothing more than attack ads. There was barely a peep in the news about the recent elections for Liberal party leader here in Canada. But it was tough to escape notice when the Conservative Party came out within hours on the decision being announced with ads attacking the newly elected leader Justin Trudeau. What was the purpose of that besides the misguided attempt to elevate their standing by stepping on Mr Trudeau. It's not even election time between the parties. So degrade him and his choices for sport? I wonder if they had similar attack ads at the ready with the names of all the other candidates? By supporting this tactic by the Conservative party we are saying that it is okay. But it's not. There is no need to put down others to elevate our own standing. We should be able to stand on our own merits. Unless perhaps we don't have any worthy of mentioning. Conservative or Liberal leaning, I shout "Shame on you, Conservative Party of Canada." 

I am enclosing this video not because I endorse it in any way but I think you should be free to make up your own mind. I would encourage you to go to YouTube and like or dislike the ad and make your views known in any way you see fit. Average Canadian citizen Chris Gougeon is making his own stand protesting these ads...people are talking about it. I'm not alone is my displeasure. 

4. Celebrity Status. Just recently an entertainment magazine released a list of the top hated celebrities. A lot of feather were ruffled upon learning that Gwyneth Paltrow was on top of the list. One report I heard was that she was selected as most hated because she was so perfect. There is some logic that escapes me! How can I hate her, she has done nothing to me to warrant such a strong negative emotion. I understand that celebrities put themselves out there and open themselves up to criticism and yes some even seek out publicity (either positive or negative) to keep themselves in the public eye. I have no problem forming an opinion regarding the performance of a specific star. But it is not the person who should be trashed but rather their actions. Justin Bieber, for example, has made some very poor behavioural choices of late and I personally am not a fan of the nature of pictures that he posts to Twitter or other social media sites, but he himself is not an inherently bad person. He is the same talent that he was when he was adored by the media a few short months ago. His entourage of paid promoters should perhaps be a little more vigilant in their guidance and protection (even if from himself and his own immaturity).

These put downs go for other musicians and celebrities as well. I am tired of people openly hating on Nickelback. You don't have to be a fan or even like their music but can't you just not listen without putting them down or me if my views and tastes in music are different then yours. I am not a fan of Prince (or whatever name he is going by these days) but I will not discount his musical ability/showmanship/or self-promotional abilities. I don't like his music, I don't want to listen to it, or financially support it, I don't have to. I can however change the station. I don't have to bash him to every person I encounter. I do not need to tell you that your musical tastes are less than mine because we have different opinions. 

5. A little Good News. One word...Dove! It isn't only because it is a campaign that is trying to smash all the ill-conceived projections of mass media about what women should look like but because it is doing it without trashing the competition. I think that the "You are more beautiful than you think" campaign is one to be applauded. But let's not be naive, Dove is owned by the Unilever Corporation who freely uses sex and the "perfect" female form to sell its other products like Axe body spray. Baby steps I guess are better than going backwards or standing still.


A Final Thought.
I think society as a whole needs to learn that you do not elevate yourself by belittling others. Self-love and self-esteem is a good practice and necessary. Yes, even in politics and business there is a need to try and elevate yourself above the competition to gain profits or supports but it can be done in the marketplace and in the workplace without stepping on other people. Take the moral high ground and be nice. It really doesn't take a lot of effort or financial expense but the rewards can be great. The notion of a random act of kindness is a great concept but flawed in that people tend to believe that it is an "act" and not a lifestyle. A lifestyle choice that cannot be counted in instances or specific acts. 

The goodness that we all appreciate and embrace when a tragedy befalls members of our race needs to be appreciated and recognized on a daily basis. Not just because they were innocent bystanders that were hurt or emergency service personal who gave their all nor even someone who was diagnosed with a medical ailment. But everyone we encounter in our daily lives each and every day.  

The true humanitarian 

- will hold the door open for the person behind them, 
- will donate to the food bank even when it isn't a food drive, 
- will say thank you to the person who is serving them (even thought it is their job to serve), 
- will allow another motorist to pass without taking it as a personal attack,
- will consider their consumer habits based on the behaviour in their advertisements,
- will make it known that negative promotion is not acceptable,
- will make up their own minds to the goodness of others without belittling the choice of another
- will lead by example and practice what they preach.

I am not perfect, but I do try and live my life in accordance with the morals and values I have held for a lifetime. But, having said that...do me wrong and I'll have no problem speaking the truth as I see it. I respected and valued my neighbours until they started damaging my property and tossing my mail. I had a great employer until I experienced their hypocrisy - preach anti-bullying and then bully your employees. Shame on Irene and Harold and shame on the DPCDSB.